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Are you yelling at your kids?

If you don't, well I feel really, really incompetent right about now, because I do, but I do try really, really hard not to scream at the children.  This NY Times article, For Some Parents, Shouting Is the New Spanking, rang true for me. We don't spank, although I still use tools like 1-2-3 that "don't work to change behavior" in the words of one expert quoted in the article...Oh.

In general, I have 2 triggers that put me over the edge:
  1. When Liam is not in good shape (either getting sick, sick or missed sleep) and Lucas insists it's a good time to "play" with Liam (that is, provoke him).
  2. My second trigger is described in the case of one mom interviewed for the article.  For this mom, like me, it is  "when adult peace is within her grasp", that is, when the kids don't want to sleep.  I am so ready for time away from children...but then Liam delays brushing his teeth, or wants to try and use the potty (really?? now??) or doesn't want to lie down, or wants one more last book.  Somewhere in there, I'm going to explode.
The article gave good reasons why it's bad to yell, and I yell less than I used to, ah but those triggers...

I took exception to the comments of one reader, Jason from Washington D.C, who said "People who yell at others — and especially parents who yell at children — reflect a complete inability to express themselves in any meaningful, thoughtful, useful or constructive way."
Really? I have to wonder if this person is a parent or actually takes care of children? I think my friends are good parents and I would be very impressed and honestly surprised if they are able to stay cool all the time. I know I certainly can't, but I keep trying.

What's your trigger? What are your strategies for keeping a lid on it? 

Help stomp out yelling today!

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Comments

G said…
Great post! Also the NYT article is very interesting and clearly touched a nerve looking at the number of comments. My trigger definitely is when I'm stressed or hungry and then Lucas does something that sets Liam off. Luckily it's MUCH less frequent than it used to be... the look of fear in Lucas' face when he senses my anger is really heartbreaking. I apologize to him later but still it would be better not to yell in the first place.

Luckily Lucas and Liam are so enamored when Papa is around that they do what I ask them to so I don't have to do a lot of counting and such :)
11 November 2009 at 13:43
Sammy's mama said…
I have never yelled at anyone in my life.









Kidding! Yes, I have yelled at Sam & I feel terrible. It doesn't ever help the situation...it never makes me feel better that I have vented...


But I felt so terrible after & basically I try really hard not to discipline out of anger.

I try soo hard to take my emotion out of it when communicating with him. I remind myself often, as I want to shriek...I say to myself, "don't discipline out of anger"
11 November 2009 at 20:08
Austin Trini said…
G - as you said, "the look of fear in Lucas' face.." pretty much sums it up. We have to be so careful of the emotional impact of our words and actions.
12 November 2009 at 10:50
Austin Trini said…
Jess - I know that talking-myself-down-from-the-ceiling situation. Despite knowing what we should do (take a time-out, defuse the situation with a comment, action etc.) it is just so hard.
12 November 2009 at 10:59
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