Cancer Survivor, writing about Health and Fitness as you age

I had a bilateral mastectomy.    Pink Shoelaces. See p.s. for the note about them.   It was traumatic. I have not written a whole lot about how emotional the cancer journey has been for me, I tend to keep that kind of thing under wraps. In fact, this is what I wrote 5 years ago Week 21 - Surgery . I don't have any pictures of my scars or the tubes or anything but there are some memories and feelings that will stay with me for the rest of my life. I had steeled myself on the first visit to the oncologist, so even "Stage III" did not make me break down. I took it like a woman. I didn't breakdown when my hair started to fall out or when I stared back at my bald self with no eyebrows nor eyelashes. I didn't collapse under the weight of the chemo and what it did to me, but I'll tell you what broke me: The first time I unwrapped those bandages and looked at myself, and looked at the scars and the hollowed out spaces in my chest and the draini...

Is "chemobrain" real? Yes, yes it is. And the research? Well, there's the thing. But first, what is chemobrain? Cancer patients who have had chemotherapy often report mental fog, inability to think, difficulty focusing and generally increased forgetfulness - cognitive impairment. For a long time, doctors treated patients' claims about chemobrain as a temporary thing, brought on by the stress of cancer diagnosis and treatment. Now, there is growing recognition that the toxicity of chemo drugs may actually cause damage to the brain (of course survivors have known all along we were not crazy). And I'm only now blogging about this? I've taken you into the infusion room , and showed my baldness , but there is a reason I have not blogged about chemobrain before in these past 5 years - I continued to work. I could not have said to my colleagues "Hold on, my brain's not working right. Give me a moment or two or twelve."  Brain on chemo ...

Funny how a simple adjustment in perspective can make all the difference. I know that when most people hear "diet" they assume "eat less" or "calorie reduction". As a cancer survivor, I've had to learn a lot more than I'd like about food, nutrients and supplements - all with the intent of reducing risk of recurrence - that is what "diet" is to me. Food to help me reduce the risk of cancer because I cannot do anything about my genetics, but I can control my diet.  I've blogged about the foods and cancer risk reduction previously here: I'd rather be eating hot wings and fries . For me, like most everyone, I try to eat healthy most of the time, but do eat more rubbish than I should. What about, instead of thinking of eating food for pleasure, perhaps I should think of food as fuel for my body. So if I was making a recipe, I'd want to get the best ingredients I could (within reason). That change in perspective, is helping...

In March of 2015 a friend I had known all my life died from inoperable cancer and when she died, she took a piece of me with her. She was diagnosed the same year I was, and left her husband and 2 young children behind. She had worked very hard in her short life and I decided that if we could manage it, I would welcome a chance to take the time to share experiences with those I love and maybe not spend so much time at work. The New Me is happy to report that after a number of years, I am on a sabbatical from work...again! So the New Me is "New" again! For a long time- I needed to work so I didn't spend my days and nights worried that every ache and pain could be cancer. I needed the work challenge for my brain to recuperate from the fog that is "chemo brain". I needed to know that I could be successful and productive again in spite of the trauma. This year will be 5 years since my diagnosis and I feel I could breathe a bit easier even though I co...

This past summer I celebrated my 4th cancerversary since I was diagnosed. I did not have a clear idea what to write about so I didn't post, but this past weekend I was clearing out some old papers and got my idea. As usual, if you want to know the story, let me take you back to  June of 2011. I digress, back to my old papers. It is surprising to me that even after 4 years, just how emotional I got. As I was looking through my appointment log, information about treatment choices, books and pamphlets about eating well during cancer treatment,  Cancer 101, Preventing Lymphedema...and more, the emotions just washed over me. Here is my appointment book from the first weeks. At the end of the day, I've had 4 years, and I am working on having more joy in my life and bringing joy to others. I wanted to end on a poem printed on the cover of the Patient Handbook, entitled "What Cancer Cannot Do": What Cancer Cannot Do Cancer is so limited... It cannot crippl...

I recently had a birthday for which I was very grateful. You never know if you will get another birthday even without having had a cancer diagnosis. So I was pretty sad that my brother didn't tell me "Happy Birthday". I don't have an expectation that my sister-in-law (his wife), would remember, but my brother? He didn't even have to call, since I called him two days before my birthday - he could have said it then. He even had a built-in reminder - his wife's birthday was two days after mine. I never considered myself a needy person who needs encouragement and needs to fussed over unnecessarily, but I just didn't understand it - I still don't . My husband's family remembers every year. But it did get me to thinking about what other friends who have been diagnosed with cancer, have said: Friends fade from their lives, or avoid them. Some friends are so wonderful, they are the cream of the crop. Family get offended if they, (the diagnosed) are ...

Yes, indeed, this past June was two years since my diagnosis, and if you wanted to be transported back to that beginning, you can do so here . But such a post cannot begin without the word gratitude. Gratitude for being able to make wonderful memories with my family and friends over the past two years.  But this post cannot be complete without remembering some of those who have shared this journey with me and are not here anymore. My friend Amy: Amy was diagnosed with stage 2 triple negative back in November of 2011 and she recently passed away in August. I had last seen Amy in July, and while wan and frail, she was so optimistic and hopeful, the way we all are. I feel very sad to have lost her and to know her family and her young son are without her now. Hugs to you Amy, in the beautiful place you are now. My friend Karen: I first met Karen when I had started my chemo treatments. She sat next to me in the infusion chair, and I was very interested in her quilt, since we...

I had read  a blog post by someone on one of the cancer blogs I follow who described the, "Now what?" much more eloquently than I could. I've been trying to find it, but can't, unfortunately. In it she described the time when the initial fuss is over  - the shock of the diagnosis, there is no chemo, no radiation, no surgery to speak of. But at the same time, as a survivor, it is still very much in the forefront of your mind, and you are still living with the effects of cancer and the treatment. While not whining or complaining, she accurately described how I feel, which is, even though I may not be in active treatment, I am still living with cancer. And how has that changed me? I find myself behaving a bit differently than I used to - I wear more makeup now, and nice clothes. I don't dress down as often as I used to - for some reason it is important I look good. Must be my way of saying, " You take that cancer!" I don't know if my brain chemistr...

I took the boys to the swimming pool recently. Lucas had already changed and I decided to change out of my wet swimsuit at the last minute and joined my younger son in the changing room. I was about to whip off my swimsuit top when I remembered...wait, he hasn't seen my mastectomy scars. I can't actually let him see me. He was in the middle of speaking to me, so I turned slightly so my back was to him and then he edged around so that he was facing me again to continue speaking. So I turned slightly again and again he moved around so he was speaking directly to me, to my face. I eventually stopped and just listenend to him and changed after I let him out of the changing room.  Sometimes I forget everything that's happened in the past year, but then I am reminded in small ways.

Yesterday was one year since my diagnosis. I've learnt many things about myself, my friends and my family and I continue to do so. What a year it has been and I am grateful to still be around to blog about it. The beginning

The kind that noone wants to sign up for, get selected for or  belong to The kind where the membership is for life The kind where the entry requirements are demanding The kind where the initiation rituals are brutal and impact you for the rest of your life The kind where you have our own language like NED and DCIS The kind where you can ask any question and get an answer, no matter how gross or intimate The kind  that is so exclusive that  non-members may not really understand what the fuss is about The kind where birthdays and anniversaries have extra special meaning The kind that has embraced the green smoothie like you wouldn't believe The kind that stands together

This will be my last "Cancer by the Numbers" post. The first three are here: Cancer by the Numbers 3 of 4: Risk Cancer by the Numbers 2 of 4: That grocery bill Cancer by the Numbers 1 of 4: Those blood counts I don't recall seeing the financial cost of cancer anywhere so I thought I'd just share what I know from my own experience on the quantifiable cost of cancer., since it is practically impossible to judge all the other costs of cancer (the emotional toll, the ongoing physical and psychological, the opportunity cost etc.). I thought I'd throw some data at you, like I like to do. But first a few notes: The numbers are based on what was billed to the insurance.  The % represents the % that the insurance actually paid based on their negotiated rates with the providers. These amounts excludes our deductible (we had a high-deductible plan), so once we paid up, everything was covered at 100%. Without insurance this is bankruptcy for sure.   ForBLog ....

Back in November I talked a little bit about  the fact that I didn't feel like I had time to come to terms with my cancer diagnosis and everything that has happened since. This week I remedied that by taking a week off - a week I promised myself back then. My dear husband has allowed me time off away from everyone and I am here at a resort about 1 1/2 hours away from home, alone. Without husband. Without KIDS!! This is my think time and my no responsibility time. I don't have to be anywhere or do anything. I don't have to explain myself if I wanted to sleep in or go back to bed after breakfast. If I felt like watching TV until 2:00am, I could (I haven't). I thought it would be entertaining to share the less serious aspects of my stay here: I had buffet breakfast the first morning of my stay. One look at the bill and I drove straight to the nearest grocery. Bought some food items costing about 4 buffet breakfasts , except I can eat breakfast, lunch and dinner fo...

(Yes, a more adult slant in my title.)  Having a conversation with someone who has recently been diagnosed with cancer can be a bit tricky to negotiate as you try to figure out if to ask questions and how much to ask. So I thought I'd weigh in on what you may want to think twice before saying. "People don't die of breast cancer any more, do they?" Speaks for itself. Yes, approximately 13% of women diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011 will die. (1) "There's a cure for that isn't there?" Not really, although some women will go into remission (cancer responds completely or partially to treatment), and after a number of years of no signs or symptoms, someone may be considered "cured". Any cancer that occurs after that time is considered new. "Someone always has it worse" While that may be true, I didn't really find it uplifting to hear about horror stories. In my delicate frame of mind I found positive stories more he...

This is the second "Cancer by the Numbers" post, the first was about blood counts . We have been trying to eat organic fruits and vegetables as much as we can, to reduce the pesticide levels we injest. I will publish another post about cancer and food, but for now I thought I'd share the cost of organic vs not organic based on a quick poll of my local grocery (HEB).  We had cut out meat prior to my diagnosis of cancer (ever since reading The China Study ) so perhaps the decline in spending in meat is offset by the more pricey organic items! The graph below shows the increase, as a percentage of the non-organic price, that I pay for common items that I buy. While the actual dollar amounts may not be significant individually, I can tell you that I really feel it on my grocery bill when I buy blueberries! If you feel you want to buy organic, but want to spend the dollars on those items where it makes a difference, take a look at the  Environmental Working ...

But first a quick update. I have now completed 22 cycles of radiation (week 29) and I am thankfully on a break for Christmas. I have some issues I need to work through but nothing horrible. In the meantime, my hair is growing back, unfortunately it is also growing in places that I would prefer it NOT grow. (And I'd thank you for not mentioning my newly acquired fuzzy sideburns - yaay chemo!) I am also trying to improve my diet, not that I had very bad habits before, but I am increasing the amount of vegetables in my diet and have to deal with the attendant side effects that come with consuming copious quantities of highly gassy foods. But enough of that, on to joy. I was recently watching a movie, The Bucket List , and I thought I'd share the two questions that the characters (facing death) reflect on in the movie: Do you have joy in your life? Or, alternatively, look for the joy in your life. Did you bring joy to others? So over this holiday season those might be som...

There was a young lady with cancer, a diagnosis to give you an ulcer. It was an unplanned marathon, of chemo, surgery and radiation all in hopes it's the answer. Chemo is over and surgery is done, she's on the next step of radiation. She burns, swells and is going red "Inflammation" is what the doc said. Sore and pained, she's so ready for fun! Regardless of pain, she goes sun or rain. Treatment is every day to help the cancer go away. It's enough to drive one insane. 33 days the trip must be made, "Make it work" she prayed. 13 complete, 20 to go, the end is far you know. A hard path to walk unafraid. In the room with big machines She lays, imagining peaceful scenes. She takes the radiation, without hesitation to see her kids reach their teens.

So here is what I know/have come to know so far: I have successfully completed the first 3 of 33 radiation treatments scheduled. I have 30 minutes added to my daily moisturizing routine to account for the creams I need to apply to my skin to reduce the radiation effects.. While my radiation oncologist has told me that their equipment does not really have much scatter (a maximum of 2 millimetres), all the technicians leave the room when the beams go on. I have breast tissue in my back, and by "I" I really mean you too. So if you hug yourself, tissue extends to where your hands can reach around under your arms and over the top of your shoulder, so that area needs to be irradiated too. The lead "mats" you see at the dentist, used to protect the rest of you when you have x-rays, won't stop these rays. In addition to the actual radiation treatment I have to have, I also have additional x-rays each week in addition to the 33 radiation treatments. In addition to...

If you don't see your cards/flowers or dishes..sorry about that, but I got it and I am grateful to you too!  From all my mommy friends who've sent me stuff! And then some!  These here? From my badger-peeps!  Flowers on the right? Big 'ole bunch from client services.  Just a few of the cards I've received - full of inspiration, hope, good thoughts and prayers. The stockpile of tupperware I have from all the goodies that came home to me. And which must leave my house.