Cancer Survivor, writing about Health and Fitness as you age

In March of 2015 a friend I had known all my life died from inoperable cancer and when she died, she took a piece of me with her. She was diagnosed the same year I was, and left her husband and 2 young children behind. She had worked very hard in her short life and I decided that if we could manage it, I would welcome a chance to take the time to share experiences with those I love and maybe not spend so much time at work. The New Me is happy to report that after a number of years, I am on a sabbatical from work...again! So the New Me is "New" again! For a long time- I needed to work so I didn't spend my days and nights worried that every ache and pain could be cancer. I needed the work challenge for my brain to recuperate from the fog that is "chemo brain". I needed to know that I could be successful and productive again in spite of the trauma. This year will be 5 years since my diagnosis and I feel I could breathe a bit easier even though I co...

Well I'll tell you - shoes. For any family managing on one salary (or even two), there isn't usually any budgetary leeway for frivolous purchases like shoes.  Which I can now afford to buy.  But seriously, what has going back to work been like? I was at home for about 2 1/2 years, so now the entire family has to make the adjustment back to work with me. Sticking to the schedule, mapping out school holidays weeks in advance, planning the rotation of parent duty, ensuring I have remote access so I can work from home, transition to full-time daycare and after-school care, etc. Here is my experience. Exhaustion Yes.  No doubt about it.  The share pace of having a full morning (getting kids out of the house) and then having to focus on work and then come back to the kids and get ready for the next day.  Exhausting.  Mentally and physically. No energy or reserves for friends, books or blogs.  Just put the TV on please. Insomnia Surprise...

I feel that I've earned the right to comment on the differences I've noticed between my working mom friends (I do still have a few working-mom friends that I occasionally meet) and my home mom friends.  And what might those be you ask? Sent from my iphone My work mom friends would respond to questions via email on their smartphones.  Their lack of relevance and coherence could be blamed on the fact that they were most likely on a conference call when they responded or else were too much in a hurry to properly read or listen to my message.  My home mom friends? Well while some do respond via smartphone, their lack of relevance and coherence could be blamed squarely on at least one kid clawing at them as they're trying to have a conversation, electronic or otherwise. Our conversation Surprisingly, to me at least, the kind of conversation I have with my work mom friends and with my home mom friends are different.  I talk endlessly with my home mom f...

That was the first question that friends asked when I told them I was going back to work. The simple answer is that we would have to make choices that we are not prepared to, in order for me to stay at home. And what choices would those be? Well, it really boils down to just one - private school for Lucas. If we put Lucas back into public school (or homeschool), I can continue to stay at home.  So, even if I could see myself surviving 1 year of homeschooling Lucas, what about the following year and the year after that?  And what about Liam?  Good grief - there is only so much stress I can handle.  Besides, I can imagine that after homeschooling, public school will become less and less appealing in terms of challenge.  So, homeschooling would be indefinite and I've already said enough on public school. Why did I stay home in the first place? When we first made to decision for me to stay home, it was borne of necessity - Liam was getting s...

Why did I entitle this post, "So dock it from my pay"?  Well I went to get some servicing done on my car and the standard operating procedure is for me to call my husband before the dealership does anything extra.  He can decide if the work is reasonably priced (he usually says not).  It went something like this: I call G, no answer. "Go ahead and do the work, I can't reach my husband." 1 1/2 hours later my husband called back,  "How much??!!" when I told him the price-tag, and the first thing that went through my mind was, "So, dock it from my pay".  Yes, that non-existent pay, but it got  me thinking about one of the minefields for the stay-at-home parent - how to manage the money.  Should the parent get an allowance free and clear? Do you feel comfortable spending? Would you even consult your partner about spending on something if you were the one earning it?  So many questions. I've been very fortunate in our financial relatio...

I've made about 75 posts by now over the past year, and I thought I'd share some of my favourite posts and why. I hope you enjoy them. Here goes: My adjustment. These are just a few of the posts that describe in some small way my coming-to-terms with being at home after working at a demanding job. (This adjustment is otherwise known as the scales falling from my eyes.) What is your 'bread and butter' conversation? Where are MY peeps? Left your brains in the delivery room? My husband promised me bons bons My controversial posts. These I thought would have generated some degree of discussion amongst my readers, (they didn't), but I like them nonetheless. Goal-oriented or competitive? Do you read in colour? How much 'boy' socialization do little girls need? My very personal posts . These posts are closest to my heart. Fried Plantain Khabi Khabie Mere Dil Mein What flower are you? Presenting the amazing variegated woman! The sweet and the funny. Why do pe...

To commemorate one blogging year, I will be posting a few "special" posts. This first one is a reflection on my first year staying home full-time and is in fact the first version of an article I had written for a magazine (you know, the one which was rejected). I hope you enjoy it. It was written a few months ago (and btw, version 2 was also rejected ;) Home with the kids?! Now What? (Or The Beauty of the Flowing Mind) I decided to stay at home full-time with my 2-year old, leaving my job outside the home, behind. That was one year ago. After grappling with this new reality over the past year, I thought my experiences with “The Beauty of the Flowing Mind” might be informative or at least entertaining. This pre-retirement retirement has many effects on the stay-at-home parent (the POD – the Parent On Duty), described here. If perchance circumstances have resulted in two PODs in your household, well, you’d best skip this article altogether and focus your efforts on your job...

Liam has been in daycare now 2 times/week since May, so I have Tuesday and Thursday every week to do my thing. So far, that "thing" has been laundry, errands and some blogging. Well, my husband has reminded me, not for the first time mind you, that my weekend is Tuesday and Thursday. That came as quite a shock frankly. What? You mean I shouldn't expect you to spend all your time with them on the weekend when you are at home? Ok, I have to sit down for that and think about it. Mmmm, my weekend is not Saturday and Sunday? In some ways that might be good? My conclusions are, (well I have more, but these are the ones I can publish here), but, my conclusions are: - I need to rejigger my Tues/Thurs routine so I don't do errands or laundry or anything related to house/home or children. (In short, house is more of a mess than usual on these days...despite the fact that I am unencumbered.) - I need to rejigger my expectations of what my Saturday and Sunday look like. For...

Yesterday I was at our neighbourhood swimming pool and I saw a Mom with 3 daughters at the pool - maybe 4, 3 and one less than 1 year, none of whom could swim. I was in the water for maybe 1 1/2 hrs, and the whole time I was there she was holding the baby in her left arm, supporting the 3 year-old with her right (who had arm floaties on), while the eldest was off with a pool noodle. None was able to stand in the water. Who does that? How can you effectively supervise two, young, mobile kids at the pool with a handicap (the baby)? Geez, I get a headache thinking about three. Two is all I can manage and even then, one is old enough to have some sense. She was such a pro that she took the baby to the washroom without the two older girls. If it was me, everybody was going to the restroom, whether they liked it or not. Maybe with girls you may have more confidence that they would look out for one another, but if they were boys, it was more dangerous to have them together. They get .....

2-yr old: "Waaah..!" wail, bawl. 7-yr old: "I'm sorry..I didn't mean to hurt you." 5 minutes later. 2-yr old: "Waaah..!" wail, bawl. 7-yr old: "I'm sorry..are you ok?" Loop again 10 more times today. The boys walking hand-in-hand up the stairs. 2-yr old: "My water." 7-yr old: "No, my water." 2-yr old: "No! Mine!" 7-yr old: "No! My water!" And so on for another 5 minutes. 7-yr old: "Get off me! Get off me!" Various noises, "....Ow, Ow, Ow!" 7-yr old: "Waaah..!" wail, bawl. Mama needs to sign up big brother for more full-time summer camps. Hosted Mom's club ice-cream bash at our house. In the backyard. 28 moms with at least 1 child each. You do the Math. Yikes! Papa getting a big squeeze hug from 2-year old. 7-yr old getting a big, smoochy kiss goodnight from baby brother. Splashing in the pool with the boys. Priceless.

Yes, the dreaded question...What is new with me? Sad to say, nothing much. I got this question from an ex-colleague earlier this week (you know who you are Tony), and while mortifying to answer, at least I still have working friends who deign to give me a call now and then. I have accepted that it may only be a matter of time before the bonds of friendship get weakened without the cement of commiserating over our work or child-rearing travails, but I have hope. I do have one friendship that has endured. This, despite the fact that my friend doesn't have children, is a professional career woman, and I've only seen her once in 4 years since we moved states. So why is that? I've mulled it over in my head and in my usually insightful self, I have concluded that despite the fact that our conversations have been about many things, the essence of our discussions have largely been about one thing - relationships. Our respective relationships with our careers, bosses, spouse...

No, this post isn't about some obscure Medicare coverage fine print...it is in fact an option my husband is only beginning to realize is fast fading as an option - the possibility of me returning to work anytime soon. To be fair, the option is always there if I need to get back into the workforce, I will do what I need to, but I guess it was enlightening for my husband when I explained how absolutely uninterested in work I am right now. Case in point, today was a beautiful 78F outside, there was a slight breeze blowing and baby Liam and I were on the neighbor's bench in the shade of their oak tree around mid-day. Liam was leaning on me happily munching on his cheerios and I was eating my yogurt. What can I say, it's days like these that I am quite content to lead my stay-at-home life. This life however is not conducive to writing a scintillating blog, for that I need to actually lead an interesting life (or at least have friends who do). The most exciting thing for me t...

My husband seems to think that now is the time that I could start thinking about putting baby in day-care part-time, maybe a couple of days a week so I could get a break to do my own thing. I know our budget hasn't changed, so I suspect it's because he is feeling guilty that he's been spending all his free time and then some studying for a professional certification. Regardless, I now have an opportunity from the holder of the purse-strings to launch a search into appropriate facilities for our 2nd prince. That's been on my to-do list for about 3 weeks at least I think, but it just hasn't gotten done. In fact, if memory serves, it's never been top priority. Part of me is excited about the prospect, but then I think, 'I quit my job to be with him and you want me to hand him over to some stranger? I don't think so.' Fact of the matter is that I'm not ready for someone else to be the recipient of Liam's smiles, silliness, gibberish and exci...

I am a pretty social person (at least I think so), I tend to make friends easily and keep them (mostly), but sometimes I wonder if being at home alone with the baby makes me want to be home alone even more. My neighbor keeps asking me about coming to the playgroups and the monthly meetings of the Mom's club that we both belong to, and my standard answer is "I'm not sure..I'll have to see". This, even though I know full well that I'm probably not going to go. Having worked for so long, always having to be aware of the time and my numerous appointments, I guess being at home with no set schedule is absolutely divine! There is something about waking up in the morning without having anything I have to do (except get Lucas off to school on time or close to it). I am very reluctant to commit to appointments..and I can avoid them, so I do. Now how many people can say that about their lives? A long time ago, I was telling a friend that I was stressed. He looked a...

Yesterday my husband told me that he found my blog posts negative...I asked him if I sounded unhappy? Or even if I looked unhappy? He didn't think so, but still found my postings somewhat negative. I looked down at the list of 4 ideas I had jotted down - 3 out of the 4 may be construed as "negative" but they are things that happen in my day, and frankly the nice, sweet, sentimental stuff doesn't have great entertainment value (sad to say). So.. despite the fact that this is my blog, and I can write what I want, I decided that I wouldn't want people to think that I am bitter or unhappy about being at home - I'm not. We have had such great weather outside these days, how can I, who can go out as I please (and not sit in some windowless cube all day), not be accommodating and be positive. While it is true that I do miss some things about work, if I was at work I'd miss lots of fun things about being at home. For example, Liam almost falling over backward b...

In my professional life I'd like to think that I actually had a competency of 7 out of 10, or even 8 when I was firing on all cylinders. Now in my amateur job of 6 months (or at best semi-professional), I have a competency of 5 or 6 on my best day. That's a blow to my self-esteem I have to admit. Now I don't think I was a better mom when I was working (in fact, it may be the other thing), but I believe that my expectations for myself are higher now. But reasonably, I should be able to complete a successful grocery-shopping trip with baby without incident, shouldn't I? That cannot be too high to aim. Keeping crap off the floor is another matter altogether. But I digress as usual. Lucas did some sloppy work last week and I just wasn't able to convince him to rework it (aside from mandating that he do it). I was stumped, impatient, mad and made everybody unhappy. I felt incompetent because I know better. I know to use different words, but you know, 7-year-o...

I know that without the stimulus of work (and indeed conversation without words more than 1 syllable), there is bound to be some brain atrophy. Perhaps worrying about it will provide the stimulus I need to keep the old brain ticking...but I don't think it's working. I recently asked a friend of mind if she felt she was getting more stupid staying at home. While she wouldn't admit to that, she did say that she definitely felt "more sluggish". She tried to do puzzles for example, to keep her brain nimble. I don't think that'll work for me though, I need something more industrial-strength for the mush I think my brain is becoming, and I don't think 1st grade homework counts. But, since I haven't actually ever seen anybody with their brain leaking out their ears, I am hopeful. My friend stayed home with her kids for 5 1/2 years before venturing back into the working world part-time. When I asked her if it was difficult, she said at first it was ...

No, that's not the end of the day when you're so exhausted even your teeth hurt! It's when the baby gets up at 5:00am and you can't do anything productive because the other child is still asleep..so you have to sneak around the house and entertain baby so he remains quiet. Yes, those times when you are up early and you imagine all the things you could be doing (or at least I do), but can't. It's when you're following the baby around but forget to take the phone or a book and then you're stuck somewhere down the street with baby. He's playing so well, you don't want to scoop him up to get anything, but at the same time, just how long can you be expected to sit and watch him push the yard broom back and forth? The "Dead Time" ranks right up there with my greatest frustrations with being a stay-home-mom. I keep thinking that I could be doing something, maybe even earning $X/hr (modesty prevents me from putting a figure), instead, I am ...

As the days go by, I generally enjoy my time with my little buddies, but there are times of great frustrations as well. One of the simple things I miss is having breakfast in peace while reading the paper. Every morning is practically the same - I hustle to make breakfast for the baby while making mine and then when he is seated I get going on Lucas' all the while gobbling a few bites of my own in-between the table and the kitchen. When I finally do sit down, I have to contend with Lucas trying to tell me something while the baby is screaming at me because I didn't understand that particular inflection of "eh, eh". But no matter, I have to take pride in my newly-developed skills, e.g. being able to butter toast with one hand (while holding the baby) or ignoring the taste of lentil peas in the yogurt because the baby ate from it and I didn't want to dump it. The little one is now toddling around and he's taken to playing hide-and-seek. No, not the game. It...

I have been very sheltered since coming to the US. My primary interactions have been at work where I've been surrounded by a fairly homogenous group of people so that I pretty much know what to expect. Now, having to work with volunteers (other parents), it's a whole different ball game. Even simple things, increases in complexity and risk of failure by 40-fold (..that sounded kinah nice)! This is just the ongoing evolution of me adjusting to the new life. I was very ambitious this past summer - now that I have some time in my day, I volunteered to co-host a baby shower, for a friend, with my friend's neighbor. Well, it started off pretty well, but my co-host felt very strongly that the baby shower should be in a place with "atmosphere". Personally I thought no 3rd party venue would have a better "atmosphere" than an intimate tea-party in someone's home with close friends, but I let her take the lead on that. After insisting that she had a way o...