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The Competency Conundrum

In my professional life I'd like to think that I actually had a competency of 7 out of 10, or even 8 when I was firing on all cylinders. Now in my amateur job of 6 months (or at best semi-professional), I have a competency of 5 or 6 on my best day. That's a blow to my self-esteem I have to admit. Now I don't think I was a better mom when I was working (in fact, it may be the other thing), but I believe that my expectations for myself are higher now. But reasonably, I should be able to complete a successful grocery-shopping trip with baby without incident, shouldn't I? That cannot be too high to aim. Keeping crap off the floor is another matter altogether.

But I digress as usual. Lucas did some sloppy work last week and I just wasn't able to convince him to rework it (aside from mandating that he do it). I was stumped, impatient, mad and made everybody unhappy. I felt incompetent because I know better. I know to use different words, but you know, 7-year-olds don't behave as predictably as spreadsheets and full-time at home with kids tests me to my limit, resulting in less than my best.

In my old job (where I worked for wages), not only did I know if I was doing the right thing, but if I was doing the wrong thing, I got told pretty quickly. In this job, I don't know what I'm doing and I won't know exactly how much damage I've wrought for another 10 years or so!

Aaahhh the joys of parenting...I still wouldn't trade this job for one with wages...at least not yet!

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