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My little Karateka-in-training...

Lucas recently tested for his high white belt (karate) and as I looked in on him through the glass doors to his class, I was overwhelmed by the sense of my little boy on his own in the world.  He looked so small in his white Gi in front of the table where his Sensei, her Sensei and another instructor, sat.  I watched him stand with his weight on one foot, then the other, doing jumping jacks to warm up and practicing kicks and blocks with his classmates.

I felt the tears well up and got that old lump in the throat.  I hadn't felt like that in a long, long time with Lucas, why now? I think that unlike his spelling test, where I can help him by reviewing the words with him, or his Maths,  this was something he had to do on his own. I couldn't help him. Heck, I didn't even know what the right moves were!  I guess he is at the age where he will have more and more independent experiences.  I will hold on to this picture of him in my mind, and the feeling that washed over me because years from now I will look back on this moment and think, 'This is when it started'.

As I watched him get ready to test, I felt so proud of my little boy.  He took the time to practice and he was committed to doing his little best....unless it conflicted with video game time of course!  The picture shows the cool 'high-white' belt.
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Kim said…
I can totally relate to this feeling. When Jeri had her gymnastics competitions I can't even remember her routines far less be able to say if she was practising it okay or not.

It's a great feeling seeing our kids being successful because of their efforts. However, I'm not sure what is the best way to cope with their reactions to the results of competition if it does not go in their favour.

Maybe, it's a girl thing but when some of the girls did not win a medal they were in tears. Their participation certificate was not "good" enough in their eyes.

Jeri won a medal in the 2 years she participated, but what happens if she does not win a medal next year? Will she be okay?? I think she will be in tears, despite being a year older. Maybe, even more so if her brother wins a medal and she does not..... or vice versa....

Where is the line between being encouraging and supportive compared to aiming for better results each time.

Joys of parenting....

Sometimes confusing but always rewarding seeing the kids succeed due to their own efforts!
2 November 2009 at 17:26
Greta said…
Your post makes me think back to the time of our own childhood. Just as our parents let us make our own choices in life and follow our own path, I've had to hold back from being a hovering parent. I try to provide opportunities to let my kids explore different interests, but as KIm said, I try to let my kids cultivate some self-motivation, and if they succeed - it is through their own efforts, because that is how it works in real life.

That being said, I also get sentimental and experience the feelings of pleasure and discouragement that come along with various ups and downs in my children's school and life, and I realize that the best I can do, is simply be there for my children, and give them support in whatever they do.
3 November 2009 at 10:58
Austin Trini said…
Kim, all great points and I could just imagine the anxiety it creates in you, just thinking about her reaction! We had that concern with Lucas too, maybe it was a first-born thing- he had to win. Once he started competing in other events where he wasn't the best, he seemed to accept it easier than we thought. We also tried to prepare him by emphasizing that he should do his best, and making a big deal regardless of how well he did and acknowledging that there were others better than him in this particular thing, at this time.

But I have to say, he adjusted well to losing, but some of his male friends had melt-downs!

I think it is ok to have tears, because they will be sad. We help by acknowledging their sadness but helping them move on from that.

Like you said, "Joys of parenting" , it is not easy to negotiate the tide of emotions of our young ones, we just have to do what we think is best.
3 November 2009 at 14:03
Austin Trini said…
Greta, I think you pretty much summed it up in the last line of your comment. We struggle with doing enough but not too much but in the end, as you said, "I realize that the best I can do, is simply be there for my children, and give them support in whatever they do.

Ain't that the truth!
3 November 2009 at 14:05
Unknown said…
Well be prepared for the first time he comes home with a bloody lip :)

It's interesting reading the sentiments of the mothers on stuff like this. Us fathers tend to respond differently though with the same sense of pride and joy in seeing the independence and commitment. These things also tend to be great learning and developmental opportunities since we get a chance to encourage them to persevere, not give up, deal with loss and victory properly. It's easy to show them their growth as they get better at whatever it is they are engaged in which of course is incredibly developmental.
4 November 2009 at 12:30
Austin Trini said…
Kev, you are so right re helping them "deal with loss and victory properly" I think it is important to protect our kids, but at the same time they have to learn about the reality of living in the world - humble when they win and circumspect when they don't since they won't be successful at what they try 100% of the time.
And BTW, thanks for reminding me of the bloody lip!
5 November 2009 at 10:39
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