Cancer Survivor, writing about Health and Fitness as you age

Fidget spinners and Agile Now agile and fidget spinners are probably words you don't hear regularly in the same sentence. Well, me neither until I was forced to up my game.   Career Talk in 3rd Grade My son's 3rd grade teacher asked parents come in to talk about their careers to the class. My son Liam raved about this one parent in particular. A neurologist who not only spent about an hour talking cool brain stuff but gave out swag (a brain stress ball) and to top it off, brought tuning forks for the kids to put on their heads! Well shit! How was I going to beat that?  (My husband: "You know it is not a competition, right?" Ignore.) Liam's teacher asked me about coming in to talk...about writing. Hmmm, writing vs tuning forks? BORING. I opted instead to do my part to promote women in STEM and decided to talk about my other career - as a computer engineer. Maybe I can work in video games in there somewhere! Get the kids excited! Some parents work in ch...

Short Post. Sad to say, life with the aging P is no more. He fought very hard to stay with us. Aging parent. October 2015, Austin, Texas. The last mango I shared with him. May 2016, San Fernando, Trinidad. He was a wonderful father and an example to me. He lives on in his grandchildren. So much more to say, but this will do for now. Follow me on Twitter @AustinTrini and Instagram @AustinTrini . **This site uses cookies **

My younger son was on a "Life" kick, The Game of Life that is. So I did a little experiment recently where, when I landed on "Get married", I put another girl in my car (pink character). The first time I did it, both my boys said I made a mistake and gave me the blue character. In retrospect, I should have started a conversation then, but I was more than a little taken aback by their vehemence. I tried it again a couple of weeks later, and my younger son was the only one playing with me. I said I'm going to put another girl in my car, because "That's ok too", and went about playing. He adjusted to that idea. For someone (me) who has to manufacture opportunities to discuss, really anything outside of video games with my sons, this seemed a fairly easy way to start talking about non-traditional families. I would love to hear what other parents think.

So towards the last weeks of school I dropped my little one to school and I had forgotten something for him so I went back to the car to get it, after leaving him with his teacher. On my way back, I passed one of his friends and his dad, and made some bland comment about the weather being rainy after a long weekend making it more difficult to get kids out the door. Then ran off to drop the item for the little one. On my way back I saw them still making their way slowly to the school, and the dad exploded at me about how I am always giving him crap about being late for school with his kids. Hmmmm. So I started to say that whatever he thought I meant, I certainly didn't mean to imply anything by it, but he interrupted me with "No more!" He was shouting at me, in front of his kids, about how I am always doing that, every time I see him. Mind you, I think I had seen him about 5 times in the school year on the way to school and the most I've exchanged was "Hi, how ar...

So my husband and I had gone to a movie on Friday evening and came back home to find this note on our bedroom door: Yes, they did say they were coming to wake us up at 6:00 AM, and yes, they were bringing guns. Needless to say, we felt it incumbent upon us to assert our parental dominance by being ready for them. My husband got the nerf guns ready - these are the fully automatic ones with ammunition clips. We each had one and laid it out by the side of the bed, ready for the morning. Needless to say, we went to sleep with smiles on our faces, in anticipation of the morning's delights. Since my boys are not really able to be ninja-like, no matter how much they may think they are being quiet, we were up and had the guns ready when they opened our door. And we let them have it. It's moments like these that keep me young and makes me think that maybe we are not doing too badly in the parenting department.

A sure sign that things are getting back to normal is the inevitable focus on things outside of myself - but perhaps not so far outside myself. I was thinking again how hard it is to live up to my own expectations of what it is to be a good parent. It would be a relief to take the easy path, but if there is something I don't think is a good thing for my kids, it is very hard to allow them to do it, eat it, have it etc. even though it would make life easy for me. It results in quite a bit of internal conflict I can tell you. But enough of that. I wanted to give a quick update on how I am feeling these days, and I have to say that while I am doing better I am shocked by how much my irradiated side is still a problem. The whole area feels very tight still and there are still sore spots. This is after 3 months since my last radiation treatment. I still have one spot that will get red if I am not careful (that is, can't touch , or move the skin around to stretch it or help with b...

This is what I was wearing tonight (Lucas took a picture of me and my pyjamas with my phone - hardly flattering). I asked my 4-year old, "What would you like to read?" "I'd like to read you Mama." And so we began. Balloon, doughnut, wheels, hula-hoop, rings, earrings, eyes, glasses, binoculars, light bulbs, balls, the center of a flower, bubbles, circles, lamp shade (base)...you get the idea. The simple joys of an imagination. Liam enjoyed it immensely.

"Do you know how much I love you?" "Yes Mama, infinity times a thousand." "Yes I do." "Infinity is a very big number. Infinity goes on forever...it doesn't end." No commentary required.

When my mother died from breast cancer , I spent a long time going over the same questions in my mind. How could this have happened? I could have helped, why didn't I? Why didn't I ask for details about her health, about tests she'd had or should have had?  Why didn't I probe more? Why didn't I take better care of her? In the end, I concluded that I didn't ask those questions because I was the child of my mom, she was the parent and I expected my parents to take care of themselves. I didn't think I had to take care of them. So, at what point does a child assume the responsibility for taking care of their parent? What is that trigger or signal that says, "It's time to be in charge of mom or dad". Unfortunately it seems to me that  there is no real "time" (bar an event in which the parent is incapacitated), but is more of a sliding scale. The slider starts out with the child not being responsible and then moves over to greater and...

I know there is probably a lot of research about the implications of the age gap between siblings but I wanted to share a few of my observations. Lucas is 6 years older than Liam. We didn't actually choose that big of a gap, it just worked out that way. In the beginning, Liam was so much smaller than Lucas that everything went well. Lucas played with his very baby brother as a big kid would play with a little kid. There was a gap in language, physical skill and size that made the difference between the boys clear. Now that Liam has more verbal skills, can have a conversation, is bigger and can "fight" with his big brother it is a different story. Now we are seeing the downsides of the big gap. The plus of the big gap: Lucas was independent enough not to require much attention when Liam was a baby. Allowing us to focus on the new baby. Lucas was old enough to help with Liam (bring clothes, diapers, etc.) and was able to understand when we had to leave reading with hi...

I love it when Liam shows me by his actions and his words that he is attached to me, it makes me feel warm and full, but not when it is 2:00 am, or when I am about to leave for Book Club and he is begging me to stay. Liam has just turned three and is very attached to me, and most times I don't mind, but sometimes, I wish he would be less attached. I remember when we (and by this I mean me), were looking into the idea of a family bed or co-sleeping before he was born.  There were some who felt that the closeness and always being there when your child needed you made your child very secure and was reassuring.  Now that he is 3 I wonder if him wanting me, and me staying when he wants is simply reinforcing a bad habit.  My doctor would say "Yes!". It is the same action, (him wanting me around)  but the view of the action and my reaction could be different depending on which camp I'm in. So should I continue to reassure him for as long as he needs? Or do I just ra...

You'd think that the smoke coming from my ears and nose would be a sure hint to my children NOT to aggravate me.  And if not, then for sure the wide, crazed eyes and the clenched teeth should tell them something.  Maybe I need to write an instruction manual: "How to read your Mama". You'd think after being hurt by or punished for something two times already, there wouldn't be a third.  What can I say? It appears that some children need more experiences than others to cement learning. You'd think that if I'm taking them to do something they enjoy, I wouldn't have to say scream four times: "Change and get in the car!"  Obviously what they are doing at the present time is more "funner" than any planned activity. You'd think that as an adult, I'd be better able to let go of the trials my children put me through and not let things fester.  I guess despite my advanced age, I still have some maturing to do. ...

My husband recently showed me an article about swimming in the Wall Street Journal .  The article references a report that shows "70% of African-American children and 58% of Hispanic children have little or no swimming ability, compared with 40% of Caucasian children."  The article says that the biggest barrier to learning to swim is not resources, but parents' fear of water. Whether the parent is afraid of the water, or whether they are fearful that their children may drown so they keep them away from the water, it would seem to me to be the exact reason to ensure your child can swim.  How? Why would a parent choose to saddle their children with their own fears?  It is quite incomprehensible to me.  (Although I am sure I do it in other things.) I could not swim as a child and I remember having to stay in the shallow end of the pool while friends and family were frolicking in the deep. I felt isolated and left out until I dreaded going to th...

Some time ago I had posted my 5 truisms on parenting (with additional contributions from friends), and I thought I'd move on to another 5 - hence 5 more truisms!  Here goes: I consider myself lucky if I get even 1/2 the things on my shopping list if I have Liam in tow.  (I, at least have reached the stage where I don't forget my groceries, credit card, receipt, etc.). The mess in the house is directly proportional to the amount of fun the kids have playing. Just when you think you have your child well-trained, she shows you who is boss by getting sick, being cranky, refusing to nap, waking up in the night. Take your pick. Nobody knows how to push your buttons and make you lose your mind like your kids.  How do they do that? Life with children is filled with drama.  Feel free to add your own, maybe some truisms of parenting girls? Or boys?

"Stop it!"  "No!" "Don't do that!"  "Will you be quiet?!!"  "Go upstairs to your room!" "Well he started it!" "Why can't I get to watch the TV show that I want?" "Mom, he's bothering me" "Take turns I said!" "Liam! Stop it! You'll hurt brother!" "Lucas! Stop it! You'll hurt brother!" Why am I the only adult on the playscape? Hmmm. And why am I the only adult squeezing through this tiny tube in the bouncy castle?  Hmmmm. It's not even the summer vacation.  By the time the kids move out of the house, I'll have the patience of Job. As with all parent-child relationships, sometimes things go well, and then other times, well not so much. Right now, our current hurdle is being respectful.  In choice of words, tone and listening. It's an uphill battle, and not only because I have a sinking feeling that my child must be getting this fr...

Or in basic Trini: "Good t'ing no cheap, cheap t'ing no good". I was reminded of this recently when Lucas showed me his language homework, "Mama wears a swetter every day."  Aside from him telling his class that his Mama is perpetually cold, it would have been even more accurate to say, "Mama wears the same swetter every day". (Thank goodness he's a boy and doesn't notice these things.)  You see it's because I got this really cheap sweater that I like, it keeps me very warm and because it was so cheap I don't care when Liam spills substances which will remain unnamed on it (or in my case, I spill drops of bleach). Hence, ironically, I save my most expensive stuff to wear infrequently (and then it goes out of style, it can't fit anymore or my tastes change), but by golly those cheap things in my closet - boy do they get a workout!  As it turns out, cheap is good in this context. So in conclusion, I will continue to wear my...

YD77UJ5R58XH Since we don't do this very often (once a year), I thought I'd share my most recent experience going to a Christmas party at a friend's house. Get dinner ready for kids. Pyjamas laid out? Check. Instructions for babysitter? Check. Phone numbers by phone? Check. Ok, enough time for a super quick shower.  Please, please don't let Liam want to come in the shower with me. What's the time? Geez, ok, I'll wear that skirt and top, and hope nobody remembers it. Good grief, this skirt is too tight, why didn't I try it on earlier? (Much wiggling going on.)  Ok, if I wear the top over it, nobody will see the skirt way, way up on my torso - the only place it'll fit. Is the babysitter here yet? In the middle of dressing, to Liam: "Yes baby what are you playing?  Are you and Lucas scouting for Miss Sharon? Ok, go back to the door and scout." Ok, got them out of the bathroom for a few minutes to finish dress. Ok, must p...

A short and light post today, I'm busy wrapping presents for the kids.  So here is what I know (and there's more I am sure).  A well-child visit to the doctor is usually followed by a sick-child visit one week later Liam will poop just as we are about to leave to drop Lucas to school, and in fact, there is greater than a 50% chance Liam will do this whenever we are late getting somewhere Liam will sleep through the night, without even a cough or a cry, when the other parent is on duty, the one who is not me Liam will have the hardest (and longest) time getting to sleep on the night of my book club or Girls Night Out or....fill in the blank; causing maximum disruption to my plans Liam will cry out just as my head hits the pillow and I turn out the light, or within 1/2 hour of my doing so, whichever is worse for me.  If I delay going to bed to avoid that, then he will delay too.  My husband can attest to this phenomenon, in his words, "How does he (Liam) know?"...

Hopefully, you won't have to do this for a long, long time.  We just completely restrict access to news, but that is just us. Recently Lucas' school had a Veteran's Day ceremony, where they honoured veterans in the community.  It was beautiful and moving and the ceremony included the eventual placement of 5,248 flags for fallen veterans representing those who have died in Iraq & Afghanistan as well as those who died recently at Ft. Hood (including the unborn baby). Lucas has had a fascination with "being an army" for a long time - as evidenced by the number of times he's been an army soldier for Halloween, and the number of green army men I keep finding everywhere in the house and car.  As usual, I tried to gauge what he understood about being "an army". Me: So Lucas, how did you find the (veterans') service this morning? Lucas: Good Me: Do you remember anything about it? Not really, but they called out the names of some veterans ...

It's days like these I really enjoy being a stay-at-home mom.  I was with Liam last week and as we were driving out of our street we saw a fire engine ahead of us. The sirens weren't on, so I figured it may be going back to the station a few blocks from our house.  Not having to get to work, I was only too happy to follow it around, besides, I could hardly do anything else because Liam was squealing so loudly .  Good thing he was strapped-in otherwise he would have literally jumped out of the car. So we followed the fire engine around for a few streets, talking about what we could see on the truck (the hoses, controls, ladder) and then finally it reached the fire station.  We stopped and I turned the car so he could get a good look at the firefighter reversing the engine back into the bay. What could be better than that? Well, it's the little things that occur in the day.  Last evening, I saw my husband looking at Liam (my 2-year old) playing happily in th...