Ups and downs..

A sure sign that things are getting back to normal is the inevitable focus on things outside of myself - but perhaps not so far outside myself. I was thinking again how hard it is to live up to my own expectations of what it is to be a good parent. It would be a relief to take the easy path, but if there is something I don't think is a good thing for my kids, it is very hard to allow them to do it, eat it, have it etc. even though it would make life easy for me. It results in quite a bit of internal conflict I can tell you. But enough of that.


I wanted to give a quick update on how I am feeling these days, and I have to say that while I am doing better I am shocked by how much my irradiated side is still a problem. The whole area feels very tight still and there are still sore spots. This is after 3 months since my last radiation treatment. I still have one spot that will get red if I am not careful (that is, can't touch , or move the skin around to stretch it or help with breaking up the scar tissue).  And in case I forget about that area, a move or bump will remind me. That is very disappointing but I can't do anything different than what I am doing now, it is what it is.

Mentally I am in a good place. We made a plan to create memories with the kids, so every month this year we are doing a family fun event - but I'll probably do another post about what we've done. I have a friend, another cancer survivor, and she says that she has a tendency to plan vacation/trips only after her checkups. Me? Well, I like to plan regardless of what is going on. And will continue to do so.
 
Work/life balance makes for exhausting planning and meticulous execution but still manageable. There is a lot of stuff going on in my brain at any point in time.

 And then I hear Bright Lights Bigger City by Cee Lo Green and then things aren't so bad.