Ok, so now what?

I had read  a blog post by someone on one of the cancer blogs I follow who described the, "Now what?" much more eloquently than I could. I've been trying to find it, but can't, unfortunately. In it she described the time when the initial fuss is over  - the shock of the diagnosis, there is no chemo, no radiation, no surgery to speak of. But at the same time, as a survivor, it is still very much in the forefront of your mind, and you are still living with the effects of cancer and the treatment. While not whining or complaining, she accurately described how I feel, which is, even though I may not be in active treatment, I am still living with cancer. And how has that changed me?


I find myself behaving a bit differently than I used to - I wear more makeup now, and nice clothes. I don't dress down as often as I used to - for some reason it is important I look good. Must be my way of saying, " You take that cancer!"

I don't know if my brain chemistry has been permanently altered, but I do get impatient and irritated quickly (and I shouldn't), so I need to re-read 'Don't Sweat the Small Stuff'.  Related to that I cuss a lot in my head now, in fact I rather think I enjoy it. I don't say anything out loud, but I get a great deal of pleasure imagining people's reactions if I were to let some obscenity slip. The simple joys in life.

In the meantime, I am exercising, trying to eat well and working through my bucket list.