I've blogged before about some of the things that an immigrant gives up to come to this land of opportunity, and I really felt that deeply earlier this year. My husband had "minor" sinus surgery which unfortunately was scheduled for 6:30 am (with arrival time at 5:30 am). We don't have family here, and I wasn't able to get my babysitter to look after the kids so eventually a friend of ours took G to the surgery and I went after I'd dropped the kids off that morning at a more sane hour.
So a couple of points:
As an immigrant, I have to relinquish my freely-established right to impose on my family without guilt and try to see the relationships I do have for what they are and what they are not.
So a couple of points:
- "Minor" is in quotes because it required general anaesthesia. Now where I'm originally from, that's something there is a chance you never wake up from, so any statement about "minor" and "general anaesthesia" is a total contradiction.
- I felt so helpless knowing that I couldn't be there for my husband. He totally didn't get why I was willing to completely mess up the kids' routine so I could be with him. I tried to explain it to him that I viewed his surgery as I would view having any of the children go into surgery, except he knew what was involved. I am his family. I wanted my face to be the one he saw last before his procedure began, I wanted my hand to be the one he held.
- I recognize the differences in the friendships we have made and my view of them. For some friends, who are on the spot and know what is going on it is easier to accept help from them. But even so, how could I impose on friends who have their own kids to look after? For others who offer, we gladly accept - Thank you Kyle and Roxanne. I trusted you to be there for both of us.
As an immigrant, I have to relinquish my freely-established right to impose on my family without guilt and try to see the relationships I do have for what they are and what they are not.
Comments
That's definitely a downside to being far away from family. I'm lucky in that Neil's sister lives locally and she has been a godsend on many occasions.
I feel the same as you do about surgery requiring GA, but Neil is much more casual about it. (He has had two hernia ops under GA in the past few years.) But he was anything but casual when I have had surgery (C-sections), even to the point of ensuring my life insurance was in order! So maybe the casualness about his own ops was just male bravado.
Hope Gunnar is well now.
Savi
Gunnar is doing fine, his doctor has said it all looks good.
You could be right on the perspective of your own vs a loved one's surgery. Another thing this reminded me, is that even though I've been living in the US now for over 10 years, I still have some of my national/cultural biases.