Fire Flames from Public Domain Image |
We do fire drills to practice what to do in case of a fire, so we are not floundering around in the event a fire does break out.
I got the idea for this post when I did the STOP blog post. In my experience many people don't have the language tools in their toolbox that they can readily pull out when the situation arises. So from my STOP post, it is easy to say, "de-personalize it" but how exactly to do that? What words to use? What does it mean to ask for data? Set boundaries? Wouldn't it be great if we had a script or sample scripts that we could pull out as the situation demands?
I am sure you all are familiar with "I should have said..". I know I have done quite a bit of that "hindsight" discussion as I thought through all the possible responses I could have made to something someone said, and my actual (lacking) response. If only I had more time to think it through or a chance to practice!
Scripts for parents, teens
As a parent, I need scripts as I feel ill-equipped to handle some teen (or not-yet-teen) discussions.For example, does your child have a script for when she is asked to use drugs for the first time? Have you both worked out how she should respond to her peers (and just say "No" may not be very helpful in the situation).
What about a script for unwanted sexual advances? Does your daughter or son know what to say if they are being pressured for sex? Bullying?
It seems to me that the pressure kids, especially girls, are under via social media, the need for good conversations and practiced responses is clear.
A script is simply a tool to help ensure that a response is thought through, that you and/or your child can practice, so your child knows what and how to say what he wants to say, so he doesn't default to "Yes."
Glennon Doyle Melton had some most excellent scripts in her post The one conversation that could save your teen's life.
Take a read of it, it is totally worth it. I promise. Because you never know when the fire may erupt.
Professional script example
In a professional situation, if confronted with having to tell someone to do something, start with a question instead -- "It is my understanding/I believe/I think that your responsibility/job/work as janitor/school principal is X, is that true/am I right?"
- If the answer is yes, then you can follow up with your request, "I am sure you'll be able to help me with A,B, C situation."
- If the answer is no, then you can follow up to clarify who is best placed to help you, "Who would be the best person to help me with A, B, C situation/Who should I talk to?"
I think I am better prepared for professional discussions, but for sure I need help with the teenage scripts, so I am working on my words.
I'd love to hear your comments. If you have a situation you need help with, or have a few suggestions of your own post it here!
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