I'll just get it out of the way - race is a complex issue. Multi-faceted with many, many perspectives. I have no answer to anything, because, well, race is a complex issue; but here is what I'll tell my son:
You may not even be aware of "white privilege" and the many subtleties of that discussion. The white person who is struggling to survive, and has no job, may be wondering what exactly is "white privilege". They can't see it, but it is the privilege of not having to be aware of the colour of their skin - not in housing, in the justice system, in financing, in the workplace.
(I am deliberately leaving out the whole discussion that race doesn't actually exist in the way we use it.)
My advice - read, learn, talk and form your own opinion.
Recently, I told Lucas, Dad may participate in a school activity. We joked that Lucas could pretend he did not know him (Dad), and nobody would be none the wiser (since Lucas is dark like me and Dad is caucasian). And then Lucas said, "...until I stand next to him."
Right away I realized I assumed that nobody would see the resemblance between father and son; that they would not see past the colour difference. Just like I did. BOOM. That is the complexity and subtlety of race.
My advice - stay away from those who make racist jokes and assumptions, and stop it when you can.
My sister-in-law from Trinidad came to visit one year and we were at the pool. She made a comment about all the coloured people being in one part of the pool. I looked around and it was true, but it was true because she moved to be closer to that group - she self-selected in.
My advice - don't feel compelled to make choices to be "loyal" to your race. Make choices based on what feels right to you regardless, even if those choices make you uncomfortable. You may even be rejected, but then maybe that group is not the one for you anyway.
I am fortunate that I grew up where I was not a minority. I was unaware of my skin colour. I read a lot growing up and when I read books about blond, blue-eyed children having adventures, I didn't think for one minute it could not be me, because I had no limits in my mind. I hope I have bequeathed to you the love of reading and the idyllic worlds of books where you can be and do anything.
My advice - don't assume because someone does not look like you, you cannot do what they are doing. You can. Take it. Go brave. Look for mentors even if they don't look like you, don't let that stop you.
Lucas does not have any romantic interests yet, but I dread the day if? When? My darling boy tells me that the person he likes won't date him because of the colour of his skin.
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1. Form your own opinion.
You'll hear arguments and counter-arguments. Some who believe that being "colourblind" is the answer, and those who say that while the idea is noble, it may in fact invalidate racist experiences. And those who started #BlackLivesMatter to highlight violence against blacks, didn't mean that ONLY black lives mattered, but the counter hashtag #AllLivesMatter implied that it did.You may not even be aware of "white privilege" and the many subtleties of that discussion. The white person who is struggling to survive, and has no job, may be wondering what exactly is "white privilege". They can't see it, but it is the privilege of not having to be aware of the colour of their skin - not in housing, in the justice system, in financing, in the workplace.
(I am deliberately leaving out the whole discussion that race doesn't actually exist in the way we use it.)
My advice - read, learn, talk and form your own opinion.
2. Racial bias can be a sneaky bastard.
Racist words and actions can seep into a person's psyche, it is insidious; it can pollute your behaviour despite your best efforts and you may not even realize it. I believe people adopt racial attitudes unconsciously and sometimes even consciously.Recently, I told Lucas, Dad may participate in a school activity. We joked that Lucas could pretend he did not know him (Dad), and nobody would be none the wiser (since Lucas is dark like me and Dad is caucasian). And then Lucas said, "...until I stand next to him."
Right away I realized I assumed that nobody would see the resemblance between father and son; that they would not see past the colour difference. Just like I did. BOOM. That is the complexity and subtlety of race.
My advice - stay away from those who make racist jokes and assumptions, and stop it when you can.
3. Don't self-select in based on race.
When I worked, my Indian colleagues seemed confused that I did not particularly join with them nor gravitate to their group, despite being of East Indian descent. I am from the Caribbean, and I chose to socialize with whoever I felt fit me based on personality. I did not deliberately avoid them, but neither did I self-select into the group of my ethnicity.My sister-in-law from Trinidad came to visit one year and we were at the pool. She made a comment about all the coloured people being in one part of the pool. I looked around and it was true, but it was true because she moved to be closer to that group - she self-selected in.
My advice - don't feel compelled to make choices to be "loyal" to your race. Make choices based on what feels right to you regardless, even if those choices make you uncomfortable. You may even be rejected, but then maybe that group is not the one for you anyway.
4. Don't self-select out based on race.
This is a hard one.I am fortunate that I grew up where I was not a minority. I was unaware of my skin colour. I read a lot growing up and when I read books about blond, blue-eyed children having adventures, I didn't think for one minute it could not be me, because I had no limits in my mind. I hope I have bequeathed to you the love of reading and the idyllic worlds of books where you can be and do anything.
My advice - don't assume because someone does not look like you, you cannot do what they are doing. You can. Take it. Go brave. Look for mentors even if they don't look like you, don't let that stop you.
5. Be fair, be just. Do what is right.
Finally, I don't want to have a conversation with Lucas about things he should, can or cannot do because of his race. I want to talk to him about fairness, the goodness of people, video games, having fun and positive relationships. I still have options because I don't live in an area where I need to be especially paranoid, but I would tell him not to reach for the book in his jacket if he is stopped by police. Some people have fewer choices.Lucas does not have any romantic interests yet, but I dread the day if? When? My darling boy tells me that the person he likes won't date him because of the colour of his skin.
About Me
I grew up with books. I lived in the protected worlds that books provided. Even aside from that, I am fortunate I grew up in a very small, multi-ethnic, multi-cultural society where I didn't identify as black or coloured or as a minority. I had and have friends of all races. I've lived in 3 countries and had a successful professional career. I think my experiences have given me some degree of confidence in navigating my world that I hope my sons will also enjoy.**This site uses cookies **
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