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Success as a parent

If you were looking for answers to this, well, this isn't the place. This post is all about questions. It is more introspection following on from my prior post. (Consider this fair warning so you can go sleep on the sofa instead of in front of the computer reading this post.)

I think most parents have some broad, over-arching goals for themselves as parents - raise happy, well-adjusted children who grow into loving, caring adults who are genuinely interested in their community and the world around them.. And well, if they are financially independent and able to live on their own, better yet.

What I want to know is what counts as the day-to-day successes? Getting homework done?

When I worked, over the course of a week or month, I could always count on some small successes that encouraged me to keep at it. True there may have been a number of frustrations, but in the end, dealing with a difficult issue, colleague or making some number made it worth it. Now I'm at home, I don't get these small successes. Although I feel really good when Liam smiles at me or Lucas gives me a hug..it just doesn't feel like the same thing. Perhaps because these may not be linked directly to some action on my part but are simply arbitrary actions on theirs.

I've also adjusted to the "new norm". For example, in the beginning it was a big deal to do a successful grocery run. Now, I can do it, so it doesn't count as success to me anymore. Maybe I should go back and read those self-help books!!

For me, it is similar to someone who is out of a job and in the first 3 months, they update their resume, go on interviews, are networking, but after 9 months when they've done that and aren't getting as many leads, what counts as success for them? I feel like that right about now.

I asked someone in my Mom's Club, what it was like for her being at home for 4 years and counting. Her basic response was that you needed to keep busy. Hmmm...ok I'll bite. I'll try and be more busy because it does stop me from thinking too much, which is clearly a problem as you may have realized. Besides I'm not getting anywhere and it makes my head hurt! (And yours too I imagine).

Perhaps I need a "perspective re-adjustment" on what constitutes success. Liam has had an explosion of words in the last 3 weeks, his vocabulary is amazing (to me that is). It might be because he has a chatterbox big brother who doesn't stop, or it may be because he's at home with me..that would count as success, right? But while I am proud and relieved to think he is developing wonderfully, how could I presume it is because of me? Maybe I should just forget about short-term success altogether in relation to children and stay focused on other goals?

You get the point about my head hurting so I'll just be keeping you up-to-date on my (writing) goals...much simpler that way. As always, feel free to weigh in.

Comments

G said…
Papa is HAPPY... you're a big success on that front!! :)

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