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Raising Boys

I recently listened to Raising Boys by John Eldredge (Ransomed Heart Ministries). What John talks about with the others on the cd are what they have done/are doing to be deliberate in helping their sons negotiate their path from boys to men and everything that comes in-between. If you have sons I would recommend you take a listen. Having said that, I'll give you fair warning:
  • It is Christian-based but the Bible does not form a large part of the discussion
  • They talk about boys learning to be men from other men. Not women.
  • The behaviours described are what you would typically hear associated with boys (climbing, fishing, guns, big machinery, danger)
Even if this may not be quite what you would expect to get insights from, you, like me, may still find the key points valuable. I've put what I like at the end of this post.

My boys do act like they discuss on the cd. I remember one breakfast morning, Lucas ate around his buttered toast into a shape of a gun. He was 3 if so much. Liam loves to climb, anything. He's started launching himself off the sofa onto cushions on the floor. He's just turned 2. We have a (toy) gun box in the house full of dart guns of various types and sizes (including re-loadable shot-gun types and one so large Lucas cannot lift it but has to rest it on the ground to aim); we have targeting laser guns, and innumerable light sabers (foam, air-filled, retractable, non-retractable, light-up, vibrating, etc.). They both love wrestling with their Papa and show a preference for their Papa (and in fact almost any male figure) ahead of me, unless they are sick.

A number of things make sense to me in the discussion of "Raising Boys":
  • The importance of a father in a boy's life and more broadly, having a group of men that the boys can learn from, or seek affirmation from (my words)
  • Creating opportunities to build and sustain a relationship with your sons, deliberately and thoughtfully
  • Communicating to your children "You are my delight"
What they (John et al) talk about represents my reality, I see it in front of my eyes in our family especially the first point. Already I see the difference in the way Liam responds to me and to Gunnar and it has been clear with Lucas (almost 8) for years now. It has made a difference in the kinds of things we do with Lucas now, for example, Gunnar took Lucas on a "Papa and Lucas" trip to do Jedi Training at the Johnson Space Center in Houston. We hope this and other experiences like this form the basis of a strong bond going forward.

So where does Mama fit in all this? I really need to figure it out, but I've started with having tea-parties with my boys (One thing I've learnt from my husband).

Ransomed Heart does have other publications, which I haven't looked at...yet, but since I need all the help I can get...

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G said…
Poor Sally :) Clearly being a mother is a thankless job a lot of times! Nothing like feeding, changing, cleaning after them all day only to be dropped in an instant when Papa opens the door coming home from work. I do think however that boys need their mothers just as much, only in different ways. Obviously for comfort and the life basics but also to learn things like compassion, tenderness, how to relate to women, and how to respect them. The challenge for mothers is to teach/model those things in ways that make them accessible to the boy's mind without having the benefit of being boys themselves.
21 July 2009 at 07:07
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