Liam has been in daycare now 2 times/week since May, so I have Tuesday and Thursday every week to do my thing. So far, that "thing" has been laundry, errands and some blogging.
Well, my husband has reminded me, not for the first time mind you, that my weekend is Tuesday and Thursday. That came as quite a shock frankly. What? You mean I shouldn't expect you to spend all your time with them on the weekend when you are at home? Ok, I have to sit down for that and think about it. Mmmm, my weekend is not Saturday and Sunday? In some ways that might be good?
My conclusions are, (well I have more, but these are the ones I can publish here), but, my conclusions are:
- I need to rejigger my Tues/Thurs routine so I don't do errands or laundry or anything related to house/home or children. (In short, house is more of a mess than usual on these days...despite the fact that I am unencumbered.)
- I need to rejigger my expectations of what my Saturday and Sunday look like. For me, they should look like any other day, like a Monday. That's a big rejigger.
On my weekends, I am not responsible, I am not in charge. That feeling of responsibility doesn't go away unless they cannot be seen or heard by me. Either I leave or they do, but somebody's got to go!! Hence the school. But here I go again, talking about something that may be a luxury for some of you, those who don't get a break at all. It is hard to explain to someone who has never taken care of small children all day, alone, how mentally un-stimulating it can be while at the same time mentally exhausting; and just how much that separation from the children is vital.
It's the sheer patience that it takes to enforce rules, referee, cajole, distract, do damage-control, talk to a toddler, endlessly repeating myself....all day, all the time. I need some time away from that, even though it may not be my weekend.
Well, my husband has reminded me, not for the first time mind you, that my weekend is Tuesday and Thursday. That came as quite a shock frankly. What? You mean I shouldn't expect you to spend all your time with them on the weekend when you are at home? Ok, I have to sit down for that and think about it. Mmmm, my weekend is not Saturday and Sunday? In some ways that might be good?
My conclusions are, (well I have more, but these are the ones I can publish here), but, my conclusions are:
- I need to rejigger my Tues/Thurs routine so I don't do errands or laundry or anything related to house/home or children. (In short, house is more of a mess than usual on these days...despite the fact that I am unencumbered.)
- I need to rejigger my expectations of what my Saturday and Sunday look like. For me, they should look like any other day, like a Monday. That's a big rejigger.
On my weekends, I am not responsible, I am not in charge. That feeling of responsibility doesn't go away unless they cannot be seen or heard by me. Either I leave or they do, but somebody's got to go!! Hence the school. But here I go again, talking about something that may be a luxury for some of you, those who don't get a break at all. It is hard to explain to someone who has never taken care of small children all day, alone, how mentally un-stimulating it can be while at the same time mentally exhausting; and just how much that separation from the children is vital.
It's the sheer patience that it takes to enforce rules, referee, cajole, distract, do damage-control, talk to a toddler, endlessly repeating myself....all day, all the time. I need some time away from that, even though it may not be my weekend.
Comments
Your time-out days, unfortunately may very well remain laundry days BUT without "staff" to supervisor -and that is BIG! Maybe u can get the chores done anyway, faster, even getting the weekend meals done in advance- while enjoying your aloneness!
The deal with children doesn't go away. I made sure I had no chores on weekends- the weekend end is all yours to enjoy the boys- chore free. And dont fret about the colours and the flowers and the movies, next week I clock 30 years in the marriage partnership - any flower would do, any colour , any movie!!!! - lol!!! - it doesnt matter Sal, he knows what really important to you, trust him!!!!
as usual, thanks for the words and the encouragement..and congratulations on your upcoming anni..whoo hoo!!!
On the night of the Coup, Ricks left Rio and drove down to my home just to be with me and the children- he knew it was Friday night and that I'd be home alone with them. I was always alone on Friday night! So i've had my troughs and pits. When I look back, I know that I put my knees and my head to the ground every morning, and every evening, like clockwork, I assembled my 4 children for Maghreb.
Now when I look at the picture albums, I see really happy faces in the grins and smiles of my children- so that I know I created a happy home for them.
As teenagers there were different issues - I made more mistakes then, in parenting. My children complain that I was was too strict, too formal - they didnt get to go to all those places where their friends went, they didnt get to wear the clothes! In those years I really struggled. Now they are young adults, I struggle!!!! They challenge my value systems, they have stretched me in all directions, I bleed silently, in the still of the night, I talk to my Lord. But over the years I made a circle of 3/4 good women friends- who share my values. We take time out together, and share around our stressors. We sing Karaoke when in high stress- it relieves our pain and makes the world go away - as in the words of the old old song!!! I've learnt that life doesnt get easier BUT it gets better!!! When the little one was struggling with school, I decided I sign up for my MBA - we discovered new study habits, drank tea together at 3.00am, and traded assignments on a few occasionss, she helped me with Quantitative Business Analysis - the maths, and we prepared for exams together. In 06 , we celebrated in the family , 2 Masters , I Bachelors, A levels and entry to Undergrad. Then she said she'd attend Ahlus Sunnah wal jamaah Institute- she graduated with a Diploma in Islamic Studies in 07 - yes shes a budding Alimah!
Its a roller coaster ride somedays, and a day at the beach , other days! When I'm really really sad I put on a DVD - Umrao Jaan!!!! - I have not watched that movie for several months!!!!
Life doesnt get easier, BUT it gets better!!!
LOve to you and yours.