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Baggage

This post is about how we carry things around with us that we may not even realise, so even though I will be talking about my job search, it is really about what my search revealed about the emotional baggage I was carrying with me.

When I first came to the US from my little Caribbean island, I stuck with working for big companies (and by big, I mean internationally-recognized names). When I started my job search this time around, I started in the same place - looking at big companies. This, even though I learnt so much and made so many friends from the only small company I've worked for in town - NetQoS, the best small company I could find at the time.  I still went back to look into big companies.  Now why is that?

It has taken me many, many years to figure it out, but I had an epiphany this time around.  The bottom line is when my parents and my family ask me where I work, I want to be able to say a name that they recognize. I want them to be proud of me, and they don't know about the best small company here in town, but they do know about big, international companies.

Originally, I thought of including this under my job search tag, but the issue is broader than my job search.  Imagine, as old as I am, I still want parental approval. I still want them to be proud.  Does that ever go away?
Will my children want to make me as proud as I want to make my parents proud?  What did my parents do to make me want to please them?  Am I instilling that in my children? I have no idea.  Only time will tell.
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