The dichotomy of dealing with difficult diagnoses

And by dichotomy I mean the branch in the road that a person may choose to go in when confronted with any new and/or difficult situation.
I also wanted to use this post to address the "You're so strong" comments I've heard time and time again. First up:


To tell or keep it under wraps?
Clearly I chose to tell and the reason is not as simple as I initially thought. I wanted to let people who are part of my life know why I may not be as accessible as before, why I may look or behave differently. I didn't want any friend to see me with a wig and not know why. Having come from a society that was not as open as I would have wished about situations such as cancer, I felt it important to let my cousins know that I am experiencing this -  if you have questions, ask.  I also think it was important to let people know because having no family that lives in Austin, I might need to lean on my friends here quite a bit more.  Certainly, the best choice is always the one that is best for you and for some, it makes everything easier to deal with if fewer people know, for a host of reasons.  For me, it was quite the reverse.

To research or not?
My typical approach is to research the hell out of whatever issue I need to understand. To put that in context I had read the top 4 books about pregnancy (and everything that could go wrong), even before my first child was on the horizon-this was just the planning phase.  With cancer however I have not.  I have done my best not to, largely because there is so  much information and to be frank, it is a challenge not to spiral (down) into a muddle of information and prognoses - I don't need to seek out anything that facilitates black holes of despair. 
The bottom line is while there is information I need to be aware of to be on top of what is happening, my options, risks etc, to be a good boss of my own destiny- the information will not have my context.  Is it worth it to do research that might raise my stress levels x30 or to do only the minimal? In the end, I've done some, but I've relied on having a 2nd opinion.  That way, I get the reassurance of having someone review the treatment options, but without the big hole that doing my own research might put me in - and believe you me it can. I've decided I need all the positive focus I can muster.

Poor me or it could be worse?
I have heard many people say that they feel that I am strong, but I don't feel that way. What is more accurate is that if I started feeling sorry for myself I don't have a leg to stand on. Really? Yes, and here's why -

1. I am not a single parent trying to make ends meet who now has to deal with this.  I have a supportive family, wonderful friends and colleagues and I can't imagine a better employer.  Everyone has pitched in. I think I would not have had such a relatively easy time without the tremendous support we've received.  I mean, it is not easy for my husband to be on duty with 2 boys almost every evening and weekend!
2. I asked my doctor based on the characteristics of my cancer, what would have been my life expectancy without treatment ? 1 year.  That does put things in perspective, because I am getting treatment, treatment that has proven to be successful in the past, and we are very encouraged.  Cancer research is advancing rapidly, who knows what will be available in 2 or 5 years time?
3. My mom passed away 9 years ago this week from this disease, so in a sense I've had 9 years to prepare for this.  Although I never imagined I'd have to battle cancer today, I was thinking more along the lines of 20 years in the future. When my mom died I still thought, 'If it was me, what decisions might I make?'.   So, there was never that phase of "Oh my God, how could this happen?"  It was more of, "Ok, so now what?"
4. I am a problem solver by nature and I've just taken that approach with this disease.  What do I need to do, what needs to happen, what are my options, what are the risks - you get the idea. 
5. I have a cancer that is not rare.  That is a good thing for me, it means that treatment protocols are well established, there is a lot of research, expertise and support.

At the end of the day, there are many things in my favour. Have there been "Poor me.." times? Yes, like when my oncologist told me the stage, but fortunately those times have been few and far between, because when I look at how much I have despite this disease, it is hard to stay in a funk.  Will there be challenging times ahead? Absolutely. I think surgery will be a massive hurdle for me, but that time isn't now, and I think my big cry is still ahead of me.