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Cancer Etiquette or WTF ??!!

(Yes, a more adult slant in my title.) 

Having a conversation with someone who has recently been diagnosed with cancer can be a bit tricky to negotiate as you try to figure out if to ask questions and how much to ask. So I thought I'd weigh in on what you may want to think twice before saying.


"People don't die of breast cancer any more, do they?"
Speaks for itself. Yes, approximately 13% of women diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011 will die.(1)

"There's a cure for that isn't there?"
Not really, although some women will go into remission (cancer responds completely or partially to treatment), and after a number of years of no signs or symptoms, someone may be considered "cured". Any cancer that occurs after that time is considered new.

"Someone always has it worse"
While that may be true, I didn't really find it uplifting to hear about horror stories. In my delicate frame of mind I found positive stories more helpful.

"What about x, y, z symptoms?"
If you feel compelled to understand how ill someone may be, feel free to phrase it a bit more delicately, for example, "I've heard/my friend experienced x, and y, how has it been for you and how can I help?"

"How are you doing?"
I have a friend who phrased it like this, "I know this is a loaded question, but how are you doing?" or "I have heard that XXX treatment is tough. How have you been managing?" That way you are also communicating that you know where they are in their treatment plan.


"Your father's in town? That's great!"
Yes it is. However, while having relatives in town can provide a lot of spiritual, emotional and practical support, it is also a responsibility. In my case, my dad is almost 83 without friends or transportation here and  I have to admit to feeling conflicted because I have not spent quality time with him these past few months.

So these are just a few things I dare put in my blog, but everyone is different, and some people will not be comfortable talking about their diagnosis, so ask if they are. Above all, if you are not prepared for the answer to "How are you doing?", whatever it might be, don't ask. 

And by the way, the only people allowed to make jokes about not having boobs are those who don't have boobs.


(1) My calculation from Breast Cancer Facts & Figures 2011-1012 (American Cancer Society) 

Comments

stressbug said…
People actually say this??? WTF???

It's so good to have you and your new do back in the office!!
Austin Trini said…
Stressbug - yes indeedy I have heard a few things that made me go hmmmm lol :)
Austin Trini said…
One more item to share, now that I am going through reconstruction, in an effort to make me feel better, some people may refer to it as a "boob job", well, not really. Read this post before you talk to someone having reconstruction:
http://www.today.com/health/reconstruction-after-breast-cancer-its-not-boob-job-8C11498568
Austin Trini said…
One more update about talking to cancer patients http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/26/do-not-tell-cancer-patients-cures-they-could-be-doing

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