Weeks 13, 14, Cycles 4 & 5 of 12

This is a combined post, caused by much delinquency on my part and to some degree inertia.  In my defense though, I started going into the office 3 days a week at least. The downside is that I don't have energy for blogging once I get home, and unfortunately, there seems to be a lot of "things" that need attention right now.

I haven't had too many pains this past week, but there is always something to manage with chemo and no two weeks seem to be exactly the same. In general I feel ok considering I am undergoing chemo (see Translations), but at times the feeling of exhaustion just overwhelms me. Two days after my chemo this week I felt my poor confused body trying to take a stand against the chemo poisons  (lymph nodes seemed enlarged, tiredness, etc.).

Instead of spending too much time on the state of Me, I thought I'd share some thoughts on "What do I really mean?" or "Translations" and "The side-effects that keep on coming".

Translations

• If I say I am doing "good" it really means 'While not myself, I am surprised at how normal I feel, as long as I am not climbing stairs'.  Either that or I don't want to spend the time to be truthful and potentially have a follow up conversation with you.
• When I say I am "fine" it really means 'I am doing fine considering I am getting chemo', not that I am fine and everything is well in my world.  The reminder is that right now, I am 50%-60% functional if so much.
• If I say "I have had better days", know that that means I really don't feel well at all, and offer to go and buy me hot wings or hot and sour soup.

Those pesky side effects

• First off: Brain clutter. In the last few weeks the more mess there is around me, the more my brain seems to be cluttered and confused. So much so that I have been cleaning out the house, even to the point of dumping out things I have kept for years (and I don't mean 2, I mean 10). I have been cleaning with a fury that has shocked even me albeit very very slowly.
• Tired, Tired, Tired. After a while, unsurprisingly, I just get tired of not being myself and not feeling well. It's more like getting fed-up. I imagine I am not so unusual in this regard. I also get tired of all the little things I have had to change (like wash fruits and vegetables extra carefully; and floss 2-3 times/day on top of brushing and then using mouthwash!)
• My taste buds. Will food ever taste the same again? So I really can't taste food like I used to anymore. I know what a particular dish used to taste like, and I imagine it in my mind, and then I taste it.  When I have it now, it's like some of my taste buds are missing/destroyed/don't work right, and the taste isn't the same. Needless to say food isn't so enjoyable anymore and only the strongest flavours interest me (think hot wings and medium spicy curry).

And now I have to rest.  Next week will be Cycle 6 of 12, the half-way mark. I still haven't felt the side-effect that my doctor would stop the treatments for (tingling and numbness in the fingers), and I am hopeful I won't, but each cycle brings new discoveries.