The age gap between siblings

I know there is probably a lot of research about the implications of the age gap between siblings but I wanted to share a few of my observations. Lucas is 6 years older than Liam. We didn't actually choose that big of a gap, it just worked out that way.

In the beginning, Liam was so much smaller than Lucas that everything went well. Lucas played with his very baby brother as a big kid would play with a little kid. There was a gap in language, physical skill and size that made the difference between the boys clear. Now that Liam has more verbal skills, can have a conversation, is bigger and can "fight" with his big brother it is a different story. Now we are seeing the downsides of the big gap.

The plus of the big gap:

• Lucas was independent enough not to require much attention when Liam was a baby. Allowing us to focus on the new baby.
• Lucas was old enough to help with Liam (bring clothes, diapers, etc.) and was able to understand when we had to leave reading with him to get Liam who may have been crying.
• Big brother is always willing to help his baby brother or show him things or tell him things (even though sometimes he chooses to tell Liam rubbish because it is fun for him). Liam will always have a brother who has done this before.

The minuses of the big gap:

• Liam now watches the shows that Lucas does, so he's missed his age-appropriate educational TV shows. I am not sure there is a way to allow each to watch his own age-appropriate show.
• Ditto for games. Liam wants to play the same games as Lucas but he doesn't understand the rules and does not have the skill level nor understanding to get the same outcomes.
• Lucas while older, is still immature enough to be competitive with Liam (this we didn't expect). So he must beat Liam. You can imagine the scenes at our house.
• Lucas is not as nurturing as he used to be when Liam was smaller. He now interacts with Liam as if Liam is a peer or at least 8 or so rather than 4. So he fights with him as if Liam was a bigger kid, and speaks to him explaining rules of games in details that Liam cannot grasp.

Perhaps it would have been different if Liam was a baby sister - perhaps Lucas would not have felt the need to compete as much - who knows? If you have any insights, I'd love to hear it.

Our challenge now is to figure out how to get them to play together where they both enjoy the games without one having the edge over the other. It is also a struggle to take Liam back to 4-year-old-age-appropriate-entertainment.

This parenting business makes my head hurt.