Skip to main content

The age gap between siblings

I know there is probably a lot of research about the implications of the age gap between siblings but I wanted to share a few of my observations. Lucas is 6 years older than Liam. We didn't actually choose that big of a gap, it just worked out that way.

In the beginning, Liam was so much smaller than Lucas that everything went well. Lucas played with his very baby brother as a big kid would play with a little kid. There was a gap in language, physical skill and size that made the difference between the boys clear. Now that Liam has more verbal skills, can have a conversation, is bigger and can "fight" with his big brother it is a different story. Now we are seeing the downsides of the big gap.

The plus of the big gap:
  • Lucas was independent enough not to require much attention when Liam was a baby. Allowing us to focus on the new baby.
  • Lucas was old enough to help with Liam (bring clothes, diapers, etc.) and was able to understand when we had to leave reading with him to get Liam who may have been crying.
  • Big brother is always willing to help his baby brother or show him things or tell him things (even though sometimes he chooses to tell Liam rubbish because it is fun for him). Liam will always have a brother who has done this before.

The minuses of the big gap:
  • Liam now watches the shows that Lucas does, so he's missed his age-appropriate educational TV shows. I am not sure there is a way to allow each to watch his own age-appropriate show.
  • Ditto for games. Liam wants to play the same games as Lucas but he doesn't understand the rules and does not have the skill level nor understanding to get the same outcomes.
  • Lucas while older, is still immature enough to be competitive with Liam (this we didn't expect). So he must beat Liam. You can imagine the scenes at our house.
  • Lucas is not as nurturing as he used to be when Liam was smaller. He now interacts with Liam as if Liam is a peer or at least 8 or so rather than 4. So he fights with him as if Liam was a bigger kid, and speaks to him explaining rules of games in details that Liam cannot grasp.
Perhaps it would have been different if Liam was a baby sister - perhaps Lucas would not have felt the need to compete as much - who knows? If you have any insights, I'd love to hear it.

Our challenge now is to figure out how to get them to play together where they both enjoy the games without one having the edge over the other. It is also a struggle to take Liam back to 4-year-old-age-appropriate-entertainment.

This parenting business makes my head hurt.
Labels:

Comments

Anonymous said…
Liam will benefit from thin in the end I think.

Kevin
7 December 2011 at 06:16
Austin Trini said…
Hey Kev - I think so too :) It is inevitable they may grow apart for a bit, but then in the end, they'll be close.
7 December 2011 at 11:29
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Week 20, Cycles 11,12 of 12: Not Happening

This week the oncologist felt that I had done enough chemo- I was not going to get Cycle 11 and Cycle 12.  I've talked before about the effects of the chemo on my fingers, but you know it is a sad situation when you knot your pyjama bottoms and then can't untie it to go to the bathroom. No more chemotherapy for me. Yay?  Yes, a bit of an anti-climax, but I still get to ring the "end-of-chemo" bell and get confetti thrown on me by my chemo nurses. My doctor also had in her hand the results of my post-chemotherapy MRI and it showed that there was a reduction in the tumour, it looked less dense than before and above all it looks like the volume of the tumour decreased by about 75%. Yay to that for sure! Considering I didn't feel that anything was changing I was very happy about the result. Next on my list: surgery. She said that although my blood counts are low in some areas, she felt that if I wanted to have surgery that day, I was well enough to do it. Me? We
8 comments
Read more

Talking with Lucas on climate change

This is my post for Blog Action Day . This is an annual event where bloggers everywhere in the world post about the same issue on the same day to spark discussion around an issue of global importance. This is part of a conversation I had with my 8-year old. Mama : Do you know what climate change means? Lucas : I think it means when it is like 90F and it is hot.   And the change? It's when in the daytime it might be 90F and sunny and hot, and then you go inside for dinner and then right after dinner and it might have dropped to 70F Well, yes it is that in a way.  That describes what is happening in your area, but when people use the term "climate change" they really mean something more global, like affecting climate around the world Have you heard of the team "global warming"? What global warming is that it is made up of CO2 (carbon dioxide) and when they burn stuff the smoke releases CO2 and it's like a blanket covering the earth and if it k
9 comments
Read more

Cancer by the numbers 2 of 4: That grocery bill

This is the second "Cancer by the Numbers" post, the first was about blood counts . We have been trying to eat organic fruits and vegetables as much as we can, to reduce the pesticide levels we injest. I will publish another post about cancer and food, but for now I thought I'd share the cost of organic vs not organic based on a quick poll of my local grocery (HEB).  We had cut out meat prior to my diagnosis of cancer (ever since reading The China Study ) so perhaps the decline in spending in meat is offset by the more pricey organic items! The graph below shows the increase, as a percentage of the non-organic price, that I pay for common items that I buy. While the actual dollar amounts may not be significant individually, I can tell you that I really feel it on my grocery bill when I buy blueberries! If you feel you want to buy organic, but want to spend the dollars on those items where it makes a difference, take a look at the  Environmental Working
5 comments
Read more