Cancer Survivor, writing about Health and Fitness as you age

Maybe because of the time of the year, you know, looking back and looking ahead, I find myself wondering what do I want to be and do when I grow up? (Somehow I think though that "be-ing" and "do-ing" may be worthy of its own blog post.) That is one of the advantages of being in the work-optional stage that I am in now, I can think about these things. (And by work-optional I am optimistically choosing to believe that it is my choice, but considering the climate...well..) Anyway, back to my story, if I wanted to work, I wouldn't have to get a job based on my experience or what it pays. I could just choose something I wanted to do, do anything to start and work my way up (and yes, "up" is what I would do, because that is how I am). The question is, what would I do if I could do anything I wanted to? I am terribly afraid that I would squander any time that became available by working on my project list. I want to do more grandiose things, like change t

Originally I thought of calling this post "Lord, help me get through the day", but then I thought the issue isn't so much as the days being hard, just very, very long. Since Lucas is home for the Christmas holidays, I don't get a break when Liam sleeps (I'm busy entertaining Lucas). That coupled with the fact that Liam is back to waking up at 5:00am is enough to do me in. I've tried to do something with them every day, so they are both busy and today was grocery-shopping. Lucas was very helpful. He was bringing in a gallon of milk from the car and it slipped, cracked half open and spilled everywhere in the garage (at least not inside!). Our neighbor had to conduct an emergency evacuation of her baby since he had wandered over to check out what we were doing and he is allergic to..well..anything you can think of. In short, milk everywhere was not good for him. I had cleverly put a load of baby clothes in the wash before we went to the grocery and Lucas helpfull

So every year Lucas' school has a "giving tree" where they put up a Christmas tree with ornaments and each ornament is a "wish item" from a needy family/child. You could select an ornament and provide the item for the family. We selected one this year (again). I remember last year thinking that I wanted to include a note apologizing that they got us. This year, I felt no different. You'd think that having had one year to sort this out in my head I'd be better about what I give and to whom. Why the turmoil you ask? Here's the story. When I look at the gifts that other people have given, the wrapping alone is sooo fabulous that I can only imagine what is inside (and no...the wrapping is unlikely to be the only fantastic thing about the gift). We only have so much charity funds to give out and sometimes I wonder if we didn't select an ornament, would someone else have selected it? And given something better? Every year I agonize about this ch

So, Gunnar's CFA exam is finished, whoo hoo! He's not sure how he did...not so whoo hoo..but that is all done for now and I have a husband again. But back to my rest day. I usually set aside Mondays as my "free day", I don't plan on any major activities but I think because I don't go out much on my rest day, lots of "stuff" seems to happen on Mondays. This past Monday, is just another example. I had gotten into the habit of letting Liam sit on his baby potty, (in our bathroom right outside the toilet) whenever I went potty. He was always in his clothes and diaper, so this Monday gone I decided that since he was sitting anyway, I'll just take his diaper off and see if anything happens. I bet you're thinking, "big mistake!", well, that actually wasn't the big mistake. Anyways, after a while he got bored and came off and then had trouble sitting back down again and since I was ..er...indisposed (see opening lines of this parag

This week I decided to switch Liam from 2 naps/day to 1 longer nap around noon. The fact that Gunnar was not home seemed to wreak havoc with Liam. Gunnar has been out studying very hard for his CFA exam and since babies can just smell any change in routine, there was just too much drama to get him to take 2 naps. It started off pretty well Wednesday, he took a long nap, and went down at night a little easier than he had been...and then it's been downhill since. Yesterday he only slept 45 minutes and was up in the night. It took me 2 hours to get him back to sleep (and me an additional 45 minutes), so I was not very happy this morning. Fortunately, the babysitter came over, so after some time alone in the car with some Bob Marley and tea, and away from the object of my frustration, all was well in my world again. I am so easy to please. The exam that Gunnar is taking tomorrow has been difficult on all of us, particularly the last 2 weeks when he was traveling. It is tough being t

Yes, the dreaded question...What is new with me? Sad to say, nothing much. I got this question from an ex-colleague earlier this week (you know who you are Tony), and while mortifying to answer, at least I still have working friends who deign to give me a call now and then. I have accepted that it may only be a matter of time before the bonds of friendship get weakened without the cement of commiserating over our work or child-rearing travails, but I have hope. I do have one friendship that has endured. This, despite the fact that my friend doesn't have children, is a professional career woman, and I've only seen her once in 4 years since we moved states. So why is that? I've mulled it over in my head and in my usually insightful self, I have concluded that despite the fact that our conversations have been about many things, the essence of our discussions have largely been about one thing - relationships. Our respective relationships with our careers, bosses, spouse

Over the last 5 days at home, Lucas was up at his usual early time, even as early as 5:45 am one morning! I guess it is no surprise that on his first day back to school after the Thanksgiving break he decided to sleep in. I eventually got him out at 6:40 am and he wasn't happy. No matter because I was on to other things. While I was hurrying to make breakfast for everyone so we could get out the door on time, Liam got into the Costco-sized black pepper container. Fortunately, he got it on his hands and over his head, but miraculously, not in his eyes. Poor baby, he had to endure an early morning head-dousing in the kitchen sink for his antics. Lucas ended up sneezing up a storm because he went in for a closer look to see what Liam did....Why are children (boys?) so? And my day is only just begun?! Holy cow! After Liam's morning nap, we made a quick trip to Costco (not for more black pepper mind you). Unfortunately, I hadn't realized Liam had pooped (in my defense, I ch

Now that I am at home, I have thrown myself into Lucas' school life with as much eagerness, diligence and thoroughness as I did my work and I am sure working parents of school-age children know exactly the type I have become. Yes, I have become one of those...one of those with time on my hands. Lucas did a class project in Kindergarten where they mailed a paper boy (Flat Stanley) to different places to get pictures and to map where they were sent. When Lucas came home from school after we'd sent in the envelopes, he berated me - "Mom! Just how many of those did you do? I was coloring Flat Stanleys all day until my arm hurt!" Poor Lucas! You see, I had photocopied the Flat Stanley we got and sent it to friends and family in fun places, like Germany, Japan, Trinidad and more....Ooops! His teacher said she had to get a map of Europe and Asia because of Lucas. Now that he is in first grade and we are concerned about whether he is being challenged appropriately, you can

It has been quite a while since my last post..not intentionally, baby just hasn't been co-operating. I guess he doesn't understand that I am trying to have a life outside of him, although you couldn't tell because of all the posts about him, as this one is. Even before Liam was born, my husband and I affectionately referred to him as the "short end of the stick baby" because we knew that this one would not get the kind of undivided attention that the firstborn got. With Lucas I was super-fit and ate very healthy, I was in good shape largely because I didn't have any younglings sucking the lifeblood out of me. With Liam, well, let's just say I was less fit, and my eating habits? Well, not so healthy. So he started out at a disadvantage already. Added to that, he wasn't allowed to grow full-term but was yanked out earlier and he was very mad about that. We never did errands with Lucas, one or other of us did errands alone. Lucas was such a screamer of

No, this post isn't about some obscure Medicare coverage fine print...it is in fact an option my husband is only beginning to realize is fast fading as an option - the possibility of me returning to work anytime soon. To be fair, the option is always there if I need to get back into the workforce, I will do what I need to, but I guess it was enlightening for my husband when I explained how absolutely uninterested in work I am right now. Case in point, today was a beautiful 78F outside, there was a slight breeze blowing and baby Liam and I were on the neighbor's bench in the shade of their oak tree around mid-day. Liam was leaning on me happily munching on his cheerios and I was eating my yogurt. What can I say, it's days like these that I am quite content to lead my stay-at-home life. This life however is not conducive to writing a scintillating blog, for that I need to actually lead an interesting life (or at least have friends who do). The most exciting thing for me t

My husband seems to think that now is the time that I could start thinking about putting baby in day-care part-time, maybe a couple of days a week so I could get a break to do my own thing. I know our budget hasn't changed, so I suspect it's because he is feeling guilty that he's been spending all his free time and then some studying for a professional certification. Regardless, I now have an opportunity from the holder of the purse-strings to launch a search into appropriate facilities for our 2nd prince. That's been on my to-do list for about 3 weeks at least I think, but it just hasn't gotten done. In fact, if memory serves, it's never been top priority. Part of me is excited about the prospect, but then I think, 'I quit my job to be with him and you want me to hand him over to some stranger? I don't think so.' Fact of the matter is that I'm not ready for someone else to be the recipient of Liam's smiles, silliness, gibberish and exci

I am a pretty social person (at least I think so), I tend to make friends easily and keep them (mostly), but sometimes I wonder if being at home alone with the baby makes me want to be home alone even more. My neighbor keeps asking me about coming to the playgroups and the monthly meetings of the Mom's club that we both belong to, and my standard answer is "I'm not sure..I'll have to see". This, even though I know full well that I'm probably not going to go. Having worked for so long, always having to be aware of the time and my numerous appointments, I guess being at home with no set schedule is absolutely divine! There is something about waking up in the morning without having anything I have to do (except get Lucas off to school on time or close to it). I am very reluctant to commit to appointments..and I can avoid them, so I do. Now how many people can say that about their lives? A long time ago, I was telling a friend that I was stressed. He looked a

This week our son Lucas said, "I don't understand why someone would get arrested for being with someone they liked". He had been watching a cartoon where the King and Queen sent the gardner to jail because he ran off with the Princess - they loved each other. Since he was looking at me for an explanation, I did what any good parent would do - I stalled. "When Papa comes home, we'll explain." Papa, of course, looked at me when he came home and asked me, "What do we say?" Indeed, what to say? Lucas never asked many questions about where babies came from when his baby brother was on the way, and in some..make that ALL respects, that would have been a much simpler conversation. This was something else. In the end, we muddled through by explaining that maybe they really didn't know the gardner very well and had they gotten to know him, they would have liked him. Or maybe he was different to what they were accustomed to, and they didn't

Yesterday my husband told me that he found my blog posts negative...I asked him if I sounded unhappy? Or even if I looked unhappy? He didn't think so, but still found my postings somewhat negative. I looked down at the list of 4 ideas I had jotted down - 3 out of the 4 may be construed as "negative" but they are things that happen in my day, and frankly the nice, sweet, sentimental stuff doesn't have great entertainment value (sad to say). So.. despite the fact that this is my blog, and I can write what I want, I decided that I wouldn't want people to think that I am bitter or unhappy about being at home - I'm not. We have had such great weather outside these days, how can I, who can go out as I please (and not sit in some windowless cube all day), not be accommodating and be positive. While it is true that I do miss some things about work, if I was at work I'd miss lots of fun things about being at home. For example, Liam almost falling over backward b

In my professional life I'd like to think that I actually had a competency of 7 out of 10, or even 8 when I was firing on all cylinders. Now in my amateur job of 6 months (or at best semi-professional), I have a competency of 5 or 6 on my best day. That's a blow to my self-esteem I have to admit. Now I don't think I was a better mom when I was working (in fact, it may be the other thing), but I believe that my expectations for myself are higher now. But reasonably, I should be able to complete a successful grocery-shopping trip with baby without incident, shouldn't I? That cannot be too high to aim. Keeping crap off the floor is another matter altogether. But I digress as usual. Lucas did some sloppy work last week and I just wasn't able to convince him to rework it (aside from mandating that he do it). I was stumped, impatient, mad and made everybody unhappy. I felt incompetent because I know better. I know to use different words, but you know, 7-year-o

I know that without the stimulus of work (and indeed conversation without words more than 1 syllable), there is bound to be some brain atrophy. Perhaps worrying about it will provide the stimulus I need to keep the old brain ticking...but I don't think it's working. I recently asked a friend of mind if she felt she was getting more stupid staying at home. While she wouldn't admit to that, she did say that she definitely felt "more sluggish". She tried to do puzzles for example, to keep her brain nimble. I don't think that'll work for me though, I need something more industrial-strength for the mush I think my brain is becoming, and I don't think 1st grade homework counts. But, since I haven't actually ever seen anybody with their brain leaking out their ears, I am hopeful. My friend stayed home with her kids for 5 1/2 years before venturing back into the working world part-time. When I asked her if it was difficult, she said at first it was

No, that's not the end of the day when you're so exhausted even your teeth hurt! It's when the baby gets up at 5:00am and you can't do anything productive because the other child is still asleep..so you have to sneak around the house and entertain baby so he remains quiet. Yes, those times when you are up early and you imagine all the things you could be doing (or at least I do), but can't. It's when you're following the baby around but forget to take the phone or a book and then you're stuck somewhere down the street with baby. He's playing so well, you don't want to scoop him up to get anything, but at the same time, just how long can you be expected to sit and watch him push the yard broom back and forth? The "Dead Time" ranks right up there with my greatest frustrations with being a stay-home-mom. I keep thinking that I could be doing something, maybe even earning $X/hr (modesty prevents me from putting a figure), instead, I am

As the days go by, I generally enjoy my time with my little buddies, but there are times of great frustrations as well. One of the simple things I miss is having breakfast in peace while reading the paper. Every morning is practically the same - I hustle to make breakfast for the baby while making mine and then when he is seated I get going on Lucas' all the while gobbling a few bites of my own in-between the table and the kitchen. When I finally do sit down, I have to contend with Lucas trying to tell me something while the baby is screaming at me because I didn't understand that particular inflection of "eh, eh". But no matter, I have to take pride in my newly-developed skills, e.g. being able to butter toast with one hand (while holding the baby) or ignoring the taste of lentil peas in the yogurt because the baby ate from it and I didn't want to dump it. The little one is now toddling around and he's taken to playing hide-and-seek. No, not the game. It&

I have been very sheltered since coming to the US. My primary interactions have been at work where I've been surrounded by a fairly homogenous group of people so that I pretty much know what to expect. Now, having to work with volunteers (other parents), it's a whole different ball game. Even simple things, increases in complexity and risk of failure by 40-fold (..that sounded kinah nice)! This is just the ongoing evolution of me adjusting to the new life. I was very ambitious this past summer - now that I have some time in my day, I volunteered to co-host a baby shower, for a friend, with my friend's neighbor. Well, it started off pretty well, but my co-host felt very strongly that the baby shower should be in a place with "atmosphere". Personally I thought no 3rd party venue would have a better "atmosphere" than an intimate tea-party in someone's home with close friends, but I let her take the lead on that. After insisting that she had a way o

Yes, well, that seems a lifetime ago. When we first discussed the possibility of me staying home, I had such sweet, sweet visions. Fuelled in part by my husband saying "Imagine, when baby sleeps you can be in the beddy eating bon bons and reading a book." What an ideal vision, but as any parent at home with young ones can attest to, that is far from the reality. Naptime is filled with the things I can only do when the baby naps - blog, haggle with the insurance, organize my life, think, etc. So vision-correction is but one of the many adjustments that I've had to make since taking the plunge. In addition to re-calibrating how I value myself (my self-esteem, how I evaluate success, and all that good stuff), and re-calibrating my marriage (suddenly I have no anecdotes to share about dealing with people and situations, I can't make a simple grocery run), I've found that changes have occurred and are occurring in more subtle ways. I can't recall what exactly

One of the main reasons I stayed home (besides getting our sick baby out of daycare), was so that I could spend more time with our older child and pay closer attention to his schoolwork. To provide some background, neither my husband nor I grew up in the US, and each of us is from a different country, so we have differing perspectives on education. Our older child is now in Grade 1 and one month into it, I am a little disturbed by some of what I see. He doesn't remember what work he did during the day- I understand that to mean he is not interested enough in what is going on. He says that he is still doing revision of Kindergarten work - ahhh...that could explain it, because he did Kinder in daycare and then again when we moved him to public school. One time he was not clear on what his homework was - I understand that to mean that the teacher didn't explain it fully or he was distracted. Usually if it is something new, Lucas is all over it. The first book he brought home t

Most of the parents I see dropping off their kids to school in the morning are wearing relaxed clothing - "active wear", flip-flops, shorts, you get the picture. The few times I have seen working moms in their working clothes, I have to admit to shoe envy. Looking at their polished heels and tailored outfits, I get somewhat nostalgic for times past...When I actually looked professional and competent...I may still be that, I hope, but it is very well disguised. Now, I am making an effort to wash my face in the morning before drop-off and comb my hair (in the beginning I didn't). I never went to drop off in pajamas. I drew the line at that, although I don't always brush my teeth before school. I still feel a somewhat newly minted stay-at-home mom in that I imagine what other people must think of me - maybe that I've always been a full-time mom? And then I take comfort in the fact that 'No! I've been a working mom', and I can do that again, if I had

In the 4 1/2 months I've been home I am forced to admit, I have only had one completely successful grocery shopping trip - yesterday, and that's because the shopping list was very short. I can just imagine the snickers from other parents who do this...but I really do my best..but then things happen...I can't explain it. Now, in my former, professional life, I could be on a conference call, doing instant message with a colleague and be working on a deliverable for my boss all at once, and still be able to respond to a question from the call or pick at something I heard without missing a beat. Foolishly, I assumed I would be able to transfer my focus and concentration to grocery shopping...I mean, surely, surely I could do this, right? Yeah..well, I don't know what the issue is exactly, but it's different each time. First I made up my list, but then I would realize that I had already passed the aisle where the item was. For a parent trying to do a quick grocery run

I've been at home full-time now for about 4 1/2 months, and I guess as with anyone making a transition like this, it requires a series of "re-adjustments". At first of course, it was great fun being home (I didn't do much of anything), just playing with baby and relaxing. But about 4 months into it, it ceased feeling like a short holiday away from work, I actually wanted to achieve something concrete. I reached a point where I seriously felt that despite all the good reasons we had for making this decision and for me to quit my job, I couldn't do it any more. I missed the sense of accomplishment and success I got at work. I think that was my first "re-adjustment". I mentally had to go through the reasons behind the decision (baby getting sick in daycare, hustle to drop off and pick up from daycare - not to mention stress, no time for older child, not living up to my own expectations in my professional and personal lives...). Then I went through the

With so much chaos in the financial sector right now, I suppose I could be writing about something more important, but I find that that situation is maddening, depressing and worrying enough that I don't need to burden myself right at this minute with thoughts about it. Instead, I'll stick to more mundane topics - like my domestic projects. So this isn't about remodeling the bathroom or redoing the kitchen cupboards, my latest domestic project is wrangling with our health insurer. I had finally gotten them to waive our wait-period and was completing some new patient forms when I came to the section for putting the claims mailing address. I pulled out my little insurance card and what do you know? It wasn't on there. So I looked that little thing over maybe four times, and my doing so didn't make the address appear. I was infuriated. Whoever heard of not having that information on the insurance card you are supposed to carry around?! I called customer service

This is my first foray into the blogosphere, and for those of you who may actually read this, I am the CEO of my family's Human Capital. What does that mean? Well, I am a stay-at-home mom..., but CEO sounds so much more impressive..and I AM in charge of my kids development (not to mention my husband's)...so it makes sense? But onwards, back to the part-time, flexible schedule, work-from-home job offer. Having left a successful career to be at home full-time with a 1-year old and a 7-year old, I certainly didn't think I would say "thanks, but no thanks" to such an opportunity... a chance to keep my toe in the professional world (not to mention talk to adults!) Hmmm...On the one side, I am teaching my 1-year old about his physical world - turning the light switch on and off (10 mins), opening and closing the front door and going through it (20 mins), and on the other...work, income, personal/professional satisfaction..... Naaaah! Strangely (?) up until the time