To commemorate one blogging year, I will be posting a few "special" posts. This first one is a reflection on my first year staying home full-time and is in fact the first version of an article I had written for a magazine (you know, the one which was rejected). I hope you enjoy it. It was written a few months ago (and btw, version 2 was also rejected ;)
I decided to stay at home full-time with my 2-year old, leaving my job outside the home, behind. That was one year ago. After grappling with this new reality over the past year, I thought my experiences with “The Beauty of the Flowing Mind” might be informative or at least entertaining. This pre-retirement retirement has many effects on the stay-at-home parent (the POD – the Parent On Duty), described here. If perchance circumstances have resulted in two PODs in your household, well, you’d best skip this article altogether and focus your efforts on your job search.
Warm Sun, Gentle Breezes
Imagine relaxing on a garden bench under a shady tree. The decision has been made, no matter by whom or for what reason. You are the POD with your non school-age child(ren). You can stop railing against the forces of evil that have conspired to put you in this situation. That doesn’t seem to work. Let go of the “I need to be working/doing something productive” voice. Breathe, allow contentment to permeate you, warming you from the inside out. You may feel like you are going back to work shortly. Go with that.
Warm Sun, Rocks in the Garden
Rocks? What Rocks? When working friends don’t bother to call on a regular basis and when they do, they ask, “What’s new?” To which the answer could be any number of things, none of which is even remotely interesting to them. Eventually, they will stop asking you that. Stop pining for the life you left behind, move on.
Rocks get populated in your brain without the adult stimulation that a working environment provides. Perhaps mushy cardboard is easier to visualize? Loss of self-esteem is another rock that may weigh you down as you’re building your beautiful garden. Potty training just doesn’t instill the same feeling of success as keeping an important client from defecting. Your partner may wonder “Where is that bubbly person I fell in love with?” Or that may just be my partner. A good rule of thumb to follow - the size of the self-esteem issue is directly proportional to the challenge you previously experienced at work. So you ex-big wigs out there, you’re in for one helluva ride. If you’re a male POD, get a good support group is all I’ll say. Your issues are too complex and humorous to contemplate.
But there is hope. There are Gardenias, and other flowers, herbs and shrubs in the garden. The colors and scents drifting about can soothe you and make you forget that you just stubbed your toe on a rock. As the POD you develop a new circle of friends who stay home with their kids. You learn about the parks, zoos and anything free. You get involved in clubs, playgroups, you may even start blogging. Unfortunately, there is limited flowering going on upstairs in your head. Sudoku puzzles, brainteasers, etc., may help, and you would do well to try anything. (I hear exercise helps, but I don’t know about that.)
Warm Sun, Hidden Dangers
There may be holes in the garden. Dangerous, stealthy and devious holes. They appear at any time and you just fall in. Just remember the sun. It’s when your child gives you unsolicited hugs or kisses, says her first word, gives you a big grin when he is up to mischief, swings with you on a day when it is wonderful outside. The beauty of the Sun is that although it may be fleeting, it is blinding when it occurs, making you forget all the unpleasant things in your garden. The trick is to bask in it and let it wash over you. Savor it. Capture it in your mind.
Whereas the hole is abrupt and short-lived, there are more insidious things lurking in the garden, they become part of the garden. After months of being at home, you may cry for no reason, are grumpy and you don’t know why. Don’t mistake this for a hole. This is the time to consider: “How long can I do this?” Evaluate all options: working, care for your child, etc. For the sake of your sanity and that of your family’s, pursue any time away from baby vigorously.
The smell of Gardenias in the Warm Sun
What’s next? Smelling gardenias does not depend on how you dealt with the Hidden Dangers. It really and truly doesn’t. You have to train yourself to smell the gardenias and see the sun regardless of rocks, holes and other dangers that lie in wait to waylay you. Otherwise known as “Acceptance”, the smell of Gardenias is the last step where you can see yourself at home for another 10 years, perhaps even consider home-schooling or both. You have arrived.
You can make it through the rocks, holes and hidden dangers by engaging support when you need it and taking care to relax in the garden, enjoy the sun and smell the flowers.
About the Author
Salina is smelling gardenias in Austin, TX with her two boys. Although she may fall into the occasional hole, she is still able to write and blog at:
http://familyhumancapital.blogspot.com/
You can reach her at skteltow@gmail.com
Home with the kids?! Now What? (Or The Beauty of the Flowing Mind)
I decided to stay at home full-time with my 2-year old, leaving my job outside the home, behind. That was one year ago. After grappling with this new reality over the past year, I thought my experiences with “The Beauty of the Flowing Mind” might be informative or at least entertaining. This pre-retirement retirement has many effects on the stay-at-home parent (the POD – the Parent On Duty), described here. If perchance circumstances have resulted in two PODs in your household, well, you’d best skip this article altogether and focus your efforts on your job search.
Warm Sun, Gentle Breezes
Imagine relaxing on a garden bench under a shady tree. The decision has been made, no matter by whom or for what reason. You are the POD with your non school-age child(ren). You can stop railing against the forces of evil that have conspired to put you in this situation. That doesn’t seem to work. Let go of the “I need to be working/doing something productive” voice. Breathe, allow contentment to permeate you, warming you from the inside out. You may feel like you are going back to work shortly. Go with that.
Warm Sun, Rocks in the Garden
Rocks? What Rocks? When working friends don’t bother to call on a regular basis and when they do, they ask, “What’s new?” To which the answer could be any number of things, none of which is even remotely interesting to them. Eventually, they will stop asking you that. Stop pining for the life you left behind, move on.
Rocks get populated in your brain without the adult stimulation that a working environment provides. Perhaps mushy cardboard is easier to visualize? Loss of self-esteem is another rock that may weigh you down as you’re building your beautiful garden. Potty training just doesn’t instill the same feeling of success as keeping an important client from defecting. Your partner may wonder “Where is that bubbly person I fell in love with?” Or that may just be my partner. A good rule of thumb to follow - the size of the self-esteem issue is directly proportional to the challenge you previously experienced at work. So you ex-big wigs out there, you’re in for one helluva ride. If you’re a male POD, get a good support group is all I’ll say. Your issues are too complex and humorous to contemplate.
But there is hope. There are Gardenias, and other flowers, herbs and shrubs in the garden. The colors and scents drifting about can soothe you and make you forget that you just stubbed your toe on a rock. As the POD you develop a new circle of friends who stay home with their kids. You learn about the parks, zoos and anything free. You get involved in clubs, playgroups, you may even start blogging. Unfortunately, there is limited flowering going on upstairs in your head. Sudoku puzzles, brainteasers, etc., may help, and you would do well to try anything. (I hear exercise helps, but I don’t know about that.)
Warm Sun, Hidden Dangers
There may be holes in the garden. Dangerous, stealthy and devious holes. They appear at any time and you just fall in. Just remember the sun. It’s when your child gives you unsolicited hugs or kisses, says her first word, gives you a big grin when he is up to mischief, swings with you on a day when it is wonderful outside. The beauty of the Sun is that although it may be fleeting, it is blinding when it occurs, making you forget all the unpleasant things in your garden. The trick is to bask in it and let it wash over you. Savor it. Capture it in your mind.
Whereas the hole is abrupt and short-lived, there are more insidious things lurking in the garden, they become part of the garden. After months of being at home, you may cry for no reason, are grumpy and you don’t know why. Don’t mistake this for a hole. This is the time to consider: “How long can I do this?” Evaluate all options: working, care for your child, etc. For the sake of your sanity and that of your family’s, pursue any time away from baby vigorously.
The smell of Gardenias in the Warm Sun
What’s next? Smelling gardenias does not depend on how you dealt with the Hidden Dangers. It really and truly doesn’t. You have to train yourself to smell the gardenias and see the sun regardless of rocks, holes and other dangers that lie in wait to waylay you. Otherwise known as “Acceptance”, the smell of Gardenias is the last step where you can see yourself at home for another 10 years, perhaps even consider home-schooling or both. You have arrived.
You can make it through the rocks, holes and hidden dangers by engaging support when you need it and taking care to relax in the garden, enjoy the sun and smell the flowers.
About the Author
Salina is smelling gardenias in Austin, TX with her two boys. Although she may fall into the occasional hole, she is still able to write and blog at:
http://familyhumancapital.blogspot.com/
You can reach her at skteltow@gmail.com
Comments
1) Greater understanding on the part of the spouse that is not staying at home
2) Parents that are considering the move to full time at home parenting.