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The patience paradox

Maybe this seems paradoxical to just me, but I have concluded that Liam has made me a more patient parent than Lucas, even though Lucas was the one who needed more from me.

In hindsight, it seemed that Lucas (at 2-3) required a degree of patience from me that was out of my reach so eventually I stopped trying. Whenever he was distressed, my best efforts to comfort, distract or re-direct him, usually didn't work. There didn't seem to be anything I could actively do to help him over the rough spots. In fact, whatever I did seemed to make it worse. So all our efforts were directed at managing him so closely (hence the schedules) that he never got himself (and us) into a state.

Liam is different. I know if I just hang in there, hold him and comfort him, work through whatever it might be, he will calm down and be happy baby again. So I extend myself, grit my teeth and be patient with him. (I also keep repeating in my head, ' He is not Lucas, He is not Lucas..') But anyway, we don't manage Liam as closely and by extension we are more flexible with him.

Is it different because I don't have to rush off to work with Liam? I don't have hard deadlines with him? I don't know. All I know is that I'll leave Liam in the bedroom watching Wiggles while I go into the kitchen only to have him come out to me and give me a leg-hug, "I missed you Mama."

Worth any amount of teeth-gritting!
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Comments

Savi said…
I know what you mean. My two show the same contrast in personality. With no 1 we were walking on eggs, because if she lost her temper, nothing we could do would calm her down - all we could do was wait out the storm. No 2 has his grumpy times but he can almost always be reasoned with. It makes life much simpler.

(Now that she's much older, no 1 has turned into a lovely, reasonable person, by the way. But the preschool years were hard work.)
11 September 2009 at 11:37
Austin Trini said…
He he, maybe #1 is a test to prove we are worthy to parent a 2nd? Like S, Lucas is great...now ;)
11 September 2009 at 13:01
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